Which Disney Prince Would Make the Best Boyfriend? Round 1

Even if you don't want to be a princess, we're sure you've wondered what it would be like to date a Disney prince. Are they just like us? Do they pee their pants just a little bit out of nervousness when they run into their crush at lunch? Do they flip out because they accidentally wore their unlucky socks on a first date? We're actually guessing they're not like us. Some of them don't wear pants, and others of them have magic carpets. (We won't point any fingers, here.) But now we're going to let the Disney boys battle to the fittest—of the boyfriends. In round one, we have eight battles to whittle down the list of 16 contenders to just 8. Let the fighting begin!

Tarzan (Tarzan) vs. Prince Adam (Beauty and the Beast)

In a superficial way, this match was really easy. Tarzan is quite the looker (if you're into that whole crazy muscular, tan, dreadlocks chest of steel and basically naked thing). And we're not sure what your personal preferences are, but we think Prince Adam is a kind of ugly-looking dude. He was much cuter as The Beast, and then he was sort of shy and insecure because of all the facial hair and everything, which made him endearing. Also, we know he softened up but we would worry that his bad temper would reemerge. And at the beginning of Beauty and the Beast, if you remember, Prince Adam fails the good personality test with flying colors, refusing to let the old beggar woman stay in his fancy castle. And if there's anything we've learned from watching 75 years of Oprah, it's that you can't change people. You just can't.

Robin Hood (Robin Hood) vs. The Prince (Snow White)

The Prince from Snow White might have had a chance if he even had a name. Also, he looks sort of like a pansy and we worry he doesn't bring enough to our table of awesomeness. Robin Hood, on the other hand, is freaking adorable. Sure, he doesn't wear pants, but he wears a hat and shoes and that distracts us. And sure, he steals, but only from rich jerks and he gives everything to the poor.

Aladdin (Aladdin) vs. Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Quasimodo is the kindest guy on this list, and despite his deformities, is pretty cute and cheerful. He's also ripped from all that swinging around in the Notre Dame bell towers and we love those little wooden figurines he makes. We'd place an order for our miniature Hunger Games set stat. However, in this round he's up against freaking Aladdin, who is one of the hottest Disney characters of all time. That big smile, those eyes, that lustrous hair, and his playful nature—he’s like the Zach Morris of Agrabah. So we hate to be super predictable and bringing up outdated Green Day references, but this nice guy must finish last.

Prince Charming (Cinderella) vs. Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty)

The funny thing about Prince Charming is that he actually isn’t that charming. He's just sort of meh. His mom probably named him that to give him false confidence or trick others. And the funny thing about Prince Phillip is that we sometimes confuse him with Prince Charming. They’re just two, semi-attractive guys who’d probably go unnoticed at a party. Phillip is cuter, though, and it is kind of cool that after meeting Briar Rose (whom he doesn't realize is Princess Aurora), he falls in love with her and tells his father, "I don't care if you approve of Briar Rose, I'm marrying her because I'm in love with her!" Both princes are perfectly fine gentlemen who are good dancers in those fancy pants they wear, if you like dancing all boring-like. As much as we’d like to tell them both to just go dance off in the sunset together, we have to pick a winner. So Phillip, you are a winner by default.

Prince Eric vs. Jack Skellington

Eric is that All-American kind of attractive, and Jack has that emaciated rocker thing going, which could totally be your thing. But his odd obsession with Halloween might get in the way of sustaining a normal, healthy relationship. Don’t get us wrong—we love Halloween and we always say we wish it was every day, but really? We're sure we'd get sick of it. It also seems like there are a few screws loose with Jack, who doesn't understand the spirit of Christmas. Also, not to be shallow, but we like to see a little more meat on the bones.

Captain Li Shang (Mulan) vs. Hercules (Hercules)

Shang gets points for being terribly handsome and an admirable leader. It seems like he'd be calm in any situation, so you could be pulling Lucy/Ricardo-like craziness all over the place and he would just quietly fix things, instead of losing his head and screaming like the Cuban hurricane of 1932, which killed 3,103 people. Rikki never actually killed anyone on the show, but... wait why are we talking about him again? Shang. Where were we? As for dating Hercules, what a tiring relationship that would be. Not only would he probably make you run a marathon before breakfast every day, holding a horse over your head or something, but you'd probably get sick of him bragging about stuff. "Remember that time I went from 'zero to hero'? Remember that time I defeated Nessus? Remember that time I rescued you?"

Yes, we do, Herc, but maybe we didn't want to be rescued. Maybe you're driving us crazy. Take off that zero to hero hat and t-shirt you're wearing, it's embarrassing us all.

Flynn Rider (Tangled) vs. Prince Naveen (The Princess and the Frog)

This is a test. Flynn is terribly attractive, yes. But he can also be cocky, self-centered and kind of dumb. Is it worth it? Maybe. It's true that Rapunzel changes him for the better, making him less of a jerkface and more compassionate, but we wonder if he will end up resentful of that. Also, the guy is a master thief, and with his girly-good looks, we can totally see him stealing all our hair products and lotions and such. Flynn, why do you smell like my To Twirl All Girly Floral Fragrance for Women? Then you’ve got Naveen, who is a bunch-o-fun—he loves to dance!—and he's even cute when he is turned into a frog. Ding, ding! We have a winner.

Simba (The Lion King) vs. Prince Edward (Enchanted)

How did Simba get on this list? We know this isn't the first animal in the competition, but Simba doesn't even wear a hat, so there is nothing to distract us from the fact he doesn't have pants on. Also, he'd probably bite your face off if you tried to kiss him. Lions are inherently aggressive. Edward would keep us laughing and we’d rather kiss him than Simba, as he is less likely to bite us on the face hole. He realllly wants to get married, which depending on your situation is promising or terrifying. But then again, if you married him you'd get to live in a castle (as opposed to a lion’s den—yikes!), and the man does love hot dogs! If choosing your man just because he loves hot dogs is wrong, we don't want to be right.

Do you agree with our Round 1 winners?

Related post: Defending the Disney Princesses