My First Kiss Was a Nose-Bonking DISASTER

Thank you, grace_return7: your hilarious story just cured our case of the Monnnndays. WELL DONE.—Sparkitors

It seems like there's been an abundance of cruel first kiss stories on SparkLife lately, and I'd like to add mine to the mix.

I got my first boyfriend in 8th grade (I know, I'm a harlot! DON'T JUDGE ME, I BEG OF YOU.) We took everything slow; he didn't hold my hand or put his arm around me for 2 weeks! With the way things were going, I had no idea if I'd EVER get to kiss a boy. But then comes this story:

His 14th birthday was 3 months and 4 days after we started dating. And I decided to be all cutesy and witty and tell him he'd be getting two presents for his birthday. (I bet none of you know where this is going. ISN'T THE SUSPENSE KILLING YOU? WHAT IS WITH MY CAPITAL-LETTER RANTS? AM I TURNING INTO CHELSEA DAGGER?!?!!?) Anyway, his parents dropped me off and he walked me up to my door. We went inside, and nobody was home. Being the teenagers we were, we decided to take advantage and get nasty. (I'm lying.) After about 5 minutes of awkwardly standing and talking inside my dark foyer, he hugged me and turned to leave. My heart was pounding inside my chest. He started to open the door, and I yanked him by his 6-foot-2 shoulder and said, "WAIT YOU DIDN'T GET THE OTHER PART OF YOUR PRESENT."

When he turned around he was confronted with the awful sight of my shaking-legs-nervous face moving in for the kill. My face was like an attack missile to his face. It was epic.

I know what you're thinking, dear Sparklers: DID GRACE GET HER KISS? WAS SHE REJECTED? HER CAPITAL RANTS ARE ANNOYING ME!

Well, yes. I got my kiss. Sort of.

I ended up smashing his nose with mine. Hard. No joke. It was probably the most awkward moment of my life. Realizing the awkwardness of the situation, he turned to go with cheeks as red as mine.

I waited until he got into his car, then called my friend across the street, screaming about my kiss. After much contemplation and calming myself down, I texted him and asked how he liked his present. His response:

You kind of hurt my nose.

I was devastated! I just risked rejection and dignity and made the first move and got my first kiss like a real man, and he had the nerve to tell me I hurt him? WHAT A JERK.

Just kidding. I was just further embarrassed. We dated for 2 1/2 years and we're friends now, and he STILL makes fun of me for it.

So, Sparklers, don't worry about your awkward first kiss experience—you're not alone.

Okay, we sort of love this story—especially the part where they dated for 2 years after the nose-bonk incident! ADORABBLLEEE. Was your first kiss awkward? Are you terrified that it will be?

Related post: How To Kiss: Making the First Move