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Cats Are the Coolest. Case Closed.

Cats Are the Coolest. Case Closed.

You will never, ever guess how many cats little_miss_sparky has. Go on, try. 8, you think? 11? WRONGGGG.—Sparkitors

Most of the people I know detest cats with fiery passion. And they're not alone in their opinion; cats are widely thought to be lazy, boring, unlucky, and, above all, overloaded with puke-worthy cuteness that continually puts Logan Lerman to shame.

But I'm here to change your mind about these furry felines, and I speak from experience: I have had 21 cats (Yes, TWENTY-ONE!) You're probably thinking that I'm some sort of crazy person, and you're probably right. But let's ignore that fact for a moment while I give you 6 reasons cats are the coolest.

1. One Word. Bad-ass. (Or is that two words?) Besides having a black-belt in bloodshed, cats are pros at giving death-glares, the stone-cold face, and my personal favorite, the you-gotta-be-kidding-me look. Cats are basically graduates of the Ninja School. They're total stealth masterminds; you can never really tell what a cat is thinking.

2. Cats epitomize elegance. Cats are not turtles, which is to say, there's not an ounce of awkwardsauce in them. They may tumble off a couch in their sleep, but they never fail to prance away with an air of grace. Once the avatar of the super-chic Goddess Bastet, the feline race is still considered the most poised and sophisticated.

3. They provide oodles of fun. Cats are the most entertaining creatures ever. They can enthrall you with their oh-so-cute behavior of batting ribbons and chasing lasers. They can awe you with their awesome acting skills, from mewing like a baby to hissing like a snake. They can make you look like a total idiot (that's you, Garfield), but most of the time they just make you LOL, literally, late at night while you're procrastinating instead of completing your English assignment.

4. They've got nine lives. If Voldemort had been bright enough to have an animagus in the form of a cat, he might have been able to defeat Harry. Having nine lives is like having seven horcruxes or taking a dip in the River Styx, only cooler. Much cooler. Cats are pretty much immortal.

5. Unlucky, my butt. You heard it from me: black cats do not bring bad luck. Black cats have always been considered to be Satan's spawn, because, regardless of how in-vogue the color black is, it has always been connected with the concept of evil. There's a reason why Darth Vader didn't strut around flaunting flaming orange robes.

6. They're such charmers. Cats were worshiped in ancient Egypt, and after you click this link, you're going to fall in love with them too. These little furry-butts can enchant you with a blink of their innocent bambi eyes. You're definitely a monster if you don't immediately profess your undying devotion to this adorable creature.

What else can I say? Cats; gotta love 'em.

As obsessive puppy-lovers, we have to say NO THANK YOU to cats (even though that one with the giant head WAS adorable). How about you? Which fuzzy pet do you prefer?

Related post: Jedi Kittens: Cats Just Got So Much Cooler

Topics: Life
Tags: cats, pets, cute things, debates, kittens

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