Dear Auntie SparkNotes,
I was hoping you can help me. In my school we have a Model UN club, which is basically the United Nations for high school kids. Anyway, I am a really shy person who doesn't talk a lot and that is my problem. I actually want to participate this year, partly because our field trips depend on our performance. I might be moving next year so I really want to improve this year. Every week we meet and I try to build up my confidence and talk...but I fail miserably, spectacularly, whatever -ly words you can think of. It has come to the point where I dread coming and feel horribly depressed. I don't like being depressed. Especially since there's no chocolate in the house. Is there any way I can get over my fear of speaking?
Well, for starters, you can give yourself a break.
Because right now, you're just setting yourself up to fail. You do realize, don't you, that you're trying to do something that's frightening, difficult, and doesn't come naturally to you—but that you're not doing anything to help yourself get there? You're just vowing to change, and psyching yourself up all week to perform... and then you're devastated when, despite all your fervent wishing, you arrive at your Model UN meeting and discover that you actually are still you, and not Winston Churchill.
Geez, Sparkler. Before we go any further, I'm gonna need you to take a pause, drink a Yoo Hoo, and vow from here on out not to be so damn hard on yourself.
And then, please wrap your head around the following important fact: most people do not spring from the womb endowed with marvelous oratorical abilities, and many of the best public speakers don't come by their talents naturally. Public speaking is a skill; it takes time, and work, to be good at it. And just as you wouldn't expect yourself to walk onstage and perform a concerto without having ever touched a piano, you can't expect yourself to speak well in public if you don't practice using your voice.
And that, by the way, is how you get over your fear: you pick a topic, and you practice talking about it. Practice in the mirror. Practice on your dog, on your neighbor, on your neighbor's dog, on your dog's neighbor. If you're bold, practice on your family. If you're shy, practice in a closet. If you're naked, practice in the shower! Because at the end, it doesn't matter where, how, or with whom you learn to flex your public speaking muscle; it just matters that you do it, every day, until the pathway between your brain and your mouth is so well-traveled that expressing yourself becomes as routine and easy as brushing your teeth.
Not that you won't still get that buzzy, sweaty, world-shrinking-to-a-tiny-point feeling during those first few moments when you open your mouth in public; you will. But behind that adrenaline spike, your brain will be looking around, realizing it's in familiar neural territory, and saying, "Oh, all right! I GOT THIS!"—instead of retreating to the Corner of Self-Loathing and flagellating itself with the Wet Blanket of Failure.
I'd say more, but dude, it really is that easy.
Now go somewhere, and say something.
Got a fear of public speaking? Tell us how you handled it! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
Related post: How to Conquer Your Public Speaking Fears
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