The sun has headed to Boca Raton to play Canasta and drive golf carts for the winter, and the colder weather seems to have leached all color from your skin. The last vestiges of the golden goddess you were in August are but a whisper of a memory. Which leaves you desperately hunting for your winter Tan Girl Disguise. Don't fret, my pets. Here are three options (we're not even going to count tanning beds because we know you're too smart for that, right?) for camouflaging your newfound milky whiteness:
1. Fake tan. I cover this process quite extensively in this vlog, in case you missed it. Some brands can be used on both face and body, and others have formulas specifically for your face, so read carefully.
2. Bronze. If lathering pigment-meddling chemicals on your face and body doesn't sound appealing, I totally get it. I am a bit squeamish about face tanners as well. It's one thing to accidentally give yourself orange knees. That's why pants were invented. (True story. Look it up.) It's another thing to accidentally dye your face like an Oompa Loompa. If you're not quite ready to commit, no prob, Bob. Chances are when the weather is frosty, your face and neck will be the only skin showing anyway. Which is why bronzer was invented.
Bronzer is kind of like blush, but more brown (or sun-kissed) and less pink. I like mine to have a little shimmer. It won't make you look TAN tan, but it will make your skin warmer and glowy, like you spent the afternoon in a hammock. There are powder versions and cream versions. I like powder because it's more forgiving if you accidentally put too much on. Powder is applied with a rounded, fat makeup brush. Swirl the brush in pressed powder or tap it into loose powder; then tap it on the sink or lid to get rid of excess before sweeping it on your face. Cream is usually applied with your fingers or a makeup sponge. It's dabbed on and then blended with a circular motion.
When applying bronzer, you're going to put it where you would normally get sun on your face, so your forehead, nose, the apples of your cheeks (blending toward your temples) and your chin. Basically, if you shine a flashlight down on your face (not up, unless you want to look like this guy), wherever the light hits, you'd dust with bronzer. Another trick is to bronze around your sunglasses (or where your sunglasses would be—you don't have to apply your makeup in your Ray-Bans). Start light and layer to get the desired color. You want to be one or two shades darker than your current skin color (be honest with yourself). Darker than that, and you'll just look like Pig-Pen. And don't forget to finish with a light dusting on your décolletage (unless you are wearing a turtleneck).
3. Don't. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Once winter comes, I try to brainwash myself into forgetting what it felt like to ever be tan. "What melatonin?" I embrace the paleness and skip the bronzing altogether in favor of white skin and pink cheeks.
Do you put on a winter Tan Girl Disguise?
Related vlog: How to Self-Tan
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