Auntie SparkNotes: Time To Talk

Dear Auntie,
For the past three months, I’ve been dating a boy—let’s call him Steve. Steve and I have known each other for years, but only recently have we shared our mutual attraction. But I think we may have a slight problem: we don’t talk.

Steve and I don’t have any classes together, we don’t have lunch together, and we don’t even play similar sports. He doesn’t like texting much, which I’m okay with because it takes up a lot of time. We see each other on the weekends, so that usually amounts to once a week, even though we go to the same school and all. Whenever we hang out, we talk for a little while, never anything very important, but we usually end up just…ya’know…making out for the rest of the time.

I really like Steve, and he really likes me. I just feel like we don’t have a real relationship, and that it’s basically just something physical. We obviously can’t change our classes or sports, and I can only go out so much, so how do I make it that we see and talk to each other more?

How? Easy! You just make it so that talking is the only socially acceptable thing you can do with your mouths.

No, no, don't worry; I am not suggesting that you adopt a strict set of uptight Victorian morals and swear off makeouts entirely. Makeouts are still on the table! Frequently! And please, enjoy them! Because one day, the days of furious makeouts will be replaced by the days in which you turn to your Hot Significant Other and say, "Want to make out?," and he says, "Maybe after 'Fringe' is over," and then you both end up falling asleep on the couch without even so much as a butt grab.

Not that that has ever happened to me.

But really, here's the deal: on the days when you see your boyfriend, and preferably every time you see him, make a point to spend at least some of your time doing something together. Take a walk! Go bowling! Build a snowman! Whatever! It doesn't matter, as long as it gets you off of the couch and into a public place—where, unless you want to cram your tongues down each other's throats in full view of random passersby*, the only thing you can do with your mouths is have a conversation.

*EWWWW DON'T DO THIS.

What's great about this: not only will you get a golden opportunity to talk, but also, the next time you see each other, you'll have something new to talk about. The things you do together now become the memories you bond over later—and that's why every couple, even the ones who've been together for years, need to keep getting out, trying new things, and creating shared experiences that let their relationships stay fresh.

And which, of course, they can then chat about whenever they get bored of nomming each other's faces.

Basically, it's just a question of inserting some variety into your current schedule so that making out isn't the only thing you ever do together—and when makeouts aren't the only thing on the menu, you may even find other ways to make your schedules mesh by, say, grabbing a coffee after your respective sports practices, or joining a club together in the off season. And if you still find yourself pressed for the time to talk—and I know I'm about to make myself look about a billion years old, here—but also? There was a time, not all that long ago, when cell phones were a rarity and texting did not yet exist. And in these magical days of yore, busy couples would occasionally use their telephones to actually... talk to each other.

Yeah, I know. How vintage. But hey, if you want to see and talk to your guy more often, then maybe give it a try? You can say that you're doing it ironically!

Okay, seriously: do any of you use your phones to talk to your SO? And how do you make your schedules mesh when you're both so busy and important? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Something to Talk About