How to Creep Out a Creeper
Just in time for Creeper Week, I recently discovered that I've got a peeping Tom! A peeping Tom who smokes nasty Newports outside my bedroom window at 4:30 in the morning and tramples my plants. (Still got it.) Unfortunately, I have a feeling it is not Ryan Gosling coming to play Peter Gabriel outside my window and confess his love for me.
When I discovered evidence of this creeper, of course I immediately called the cops, got a motion sensor light, and constructed a 40-foot wall of razor wire and shards of broken glass around my property. But somehow that doesn't feel like enough. I'm going to have to go jujitsu on this guy, turning his own creepiness on him like a weapon. I'm going to have to get weird. Time to creep out the creeper.
Step 1: I will leave roses and a note for my peeping Tom outside my window. The note will say something like, "Where have you been all my life? Other than prison?" Or, "Do these sweatpants make me look fat? Check yes or no."
Step 2: While my peeping Tom is fiddling with his Nascar lighter, I will slither unnoticed to the window, where I will suddenly pop up, open my blinds, and peep back at the peeper with the intensity of a Bush baby bushbaby.
Step 3: I will quietly start to sing Lionel Richie's "Hello."
Step 5: I will whisper, "You complete me."
Step 6: I will Tase him in his face.
Have you ever gone jujitsu on a creeper? How would you handle Kathryn's peeping Tom?
Related post: The Creepiest Creeper Who Ever Creeped: Tom