Auntie SparkNotes: Fat Free for Freshman Year

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I'm a senior in high school, and right now the biggest thing on the forefront of my mind is (of course) college. I'm super excited to be accepted into a great university and into a great microbiology program and am currently waiting on a decision from the honors program. Here's my problem; all my life, I've been on the chubby side. Ever since I can remember, I've been heavier than all the other girls at school. I used to ride horses and had to wear those stretchy breeches and would try desperately not to look at myself in the mirror every time I put them on. Last year, I lost about 20 pounds, and I was really proud of myself, but then I broke up with my boyfriend and things exploded.

I want to lose weight because I don't want to go to college being the sort of fat girl. For once in my life, I want to look in the mirror and admire my tush. There's this boy I've liked at school for five years, but I feel like he wouldn't even look at me because I'm not thin. I don't want this to happen again in college. But the problem is, even if I eat healthily for breakfast and lunch, I come home and my mom has made some non healthy meal and all my efforts go down the toilet. The thing is, she has been majorly overweight ever since I can remember, and I don't know how to ask her if we can eat less fatty meals. It seems like every time I make a huge effort in a day, I'll get to dinner and every thing will just fall down and I'll go eat the other junk in the house.

Should I say anything to my mom? Or should I just wait until I move out to start trying again?

Should you say anything to your mom? Well, sure! Provided, of course, that when you say anything, you do not actually just say anything. Because while you'll definitely be better able to maintain a healthy lifestyle during the Easy Mac-nuking, pizza-eating, late-night-fried-chicken-ordering free-for-all of college if you learn healthy habits at home first, that doesn't change the fact that food and fat are really, reeeeeeally touchy topics. So while there's no reason why you can't steer your family menu in the direction of healthier fare, I can't stress enough how important it is that you do it diplomatically. Otherwise, your conversation is likely to go something like this:

You: Hey mom, the dinners you make are mad unhealthy, and as a result, I've noticed that you are a fat fat fatty!
Your mom: Hey, how about that! Also, you're grounded!

And instead, I'd focus on this: you're off to college soon, where you'll be living as an independent adult, and you need to learn how to feed yourself. Which is true! And since the best way to eat healthy is to cook for yourself, and the best way to learn to cook is by doing it, ask if you can start helping with dinner a few times a week—where, among other things, you can use your newly-acquired sous-chef role to augment the menu with some healthier fare. (And psst, if you need somewhere to start, can I just point you in the direction of this soup? Even if you leave out the butter, it's SO GOOD.)

Why am I suggesting this, rather than a more up-front confrontation? For one, it's just good manners; when someone else is preparing your meals, it's pretty much unspeakably rude to complain about how they're doing it. And also, it sounds like you're more than capable of eating well when you have some say in the matter. But most importantly, this gives you a regular opportunity to be proactive, knowledgeable, and in control when it comes to what goes into your mouth—and that's a skill that'll come in handy not just when your mom serves up butter-covered lard lumps for dinner, but also next year when you're faced with the dining-hall siren song of the Endless Buffet. (And for the short-term, you can take smaller helpings of any less-healthy Mom entrees and make up the extra plate space with whatever delicious green thing you've wisely taken the time to prepare.)

HOWEVER! While I'm all for healthy eating habits—provided that they also include a reasonable allowance for the consumption of butter-covered lard lumps, because deliciousness—I also want to make sure that you're not indulging in something much more harmful than junk food: the fantasy of a future in which all your problems are solved by weight loss.

Partly, this is because the equation you've presented (a lifetime of chubbiness, plus an overweight parent, plus the rapid regain of your previously-lost weight) suggests that even at its healthiest, your body may still be bigger—naturally, genetically, and because it's supposed to be. But mostly, it's because that throwaway mention of the boy you've gotta be thin to attract means that you're already peering down that path. And that's not good, because at the end of said path lies the conclusion that your weight is the one thing preventing you from getting what you want, from achieving what you hope for, from being who you are.

And it isn't. And if you wait around to get thin before you go after the guy you like, or the job you want, or the sexy black dress you've always dreamed of wearing? Then you will waste weeks, months, even years not living your life, all because you think you need a different body to do the things you want to do. And that, my friend, would be a serious tragedy.

So by all means, start eating healthy now. But while you're doing all of that stuff? Put on your hottest outfit, walk into school with your head held high, and commence flirting with that gentleman like a boss. Because you are. Please. Thank you.

Do you find it hard to eat healthy at home? Share in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: The Stretch Mark of the Beast