Party Like a Hipster: The 10-Step Plan

kamurphy1218 presents the definitive guide to gettin' jiggy up in here, hipster-style. (Note: a true hipster would never use the phrase "gettin' jiggy up in here.")—Sparkitors

So you're at a local coffee shop, and you meet these strange people dressed in cardigans and oversized glasses. You assume they're part of some 1950s-worshiping cult or a biker gang made up entirely of nerds, but you take a shine to them anyways. They ask you if you want to chill next Tuesday, and in a fit of insanity, you say you're having a party, and they're all invited. OH NO! What to do now?

First, know that these strange people you just encountered are what we call “Hipsters.” They're harmless creatures that fear the mainstream world and feed on irony and espresso. While they shun the general public, it seems that you have caught their attention. With a little help, and some secondhand clothing, you too can become one of them and have your chance to party like a hipster!

Step 1: Create a place for the guests to leave their bicycles and longboards. Hipsters prefer more old-fashioned modes of transportation; they're less mainstream and fit within the budget of an out-of-work liberal arts major. However, they do take up some space, so leave plenty of room in the garage!

Step 2: Purchase flannel table cloths. This decor does double duty: it will comfort the hipsters AND give them the ability to camouflage themselves, should they suddenly feel that the amount of socializing they are doing has made them too "current."

Step 3: Order bad Chinese food. Pay for it with mixtapes. Don’t worry, the delivery man won’t mind. Cash is not nearly as awesome as knowing what your choice of Belle and Sebastian songs says about commercialism.

Step 4: Place a television in the middle of the room. This will make a great conversation piece. Hipsters love to talk about how they don’t watch television anymore.

Step 5: Listen to modern music on records. It is important to note that hipsters have sensitive ears, and listening to the Shins on anything but vinyl may cause them pain. Be sensitive! That extra ten bucks spent on out-of-date technology will be worth it when you are swimming in happy, hipster friends!

Step 6: Discuss Che Guevara. Don’t know anything about him?  Neither does anyone else in the room. But just pretending like you do will impress them.

Step 7: Watch documentary films about everyday objects. Because nothing says PAR-TAY like the history of Helvetica .

Step 8: Take time to just reflect. You and all your new hipster buddies will need a moment to soak in all of that great partying you just did, so give them some space to relax and perhaps write about the evening or take bad pictures with their overpriced Nikons. These activities are comforting to the hipster and will allow them to process the amazingness of the evening.

Step 9: Don’t forget the party favors! You don’t want your guests to leave without something to remember the night by! Suggestions: skinny jeans, oversized berets, and tiny, fake mustaches will all go over fantastically.

Step 10: Be proud! You have just thrown your first successful hipster party!

HOORAH! Hipster party triumph! What else would you add to this infallible party plan?

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