Auntie SparkNotes: Club Conundrums

Dear Auntie SparkNotes,

I am currently vice-president of a club that I've been involved with since freshman year. I really enjoyed the club, but this year I'm obviously a lot more involved in the planning and coordination effort. My problem is this: we went on an overnight trip with a nearby school recently in which I was asked to coordinate the room assignments. I was told specifically to room people not with their friends because the point was to have people make friends, not to be insular and cliquish. I did so, but tried to make it so that if you hated someone you weren't forced to room with them. While at the overnighter, one of the girls—let's call her Jessy—asked me to switch her to a different room because she felt it would be awkward to room with people she didn't know that well. I explained the situation and told her no. Jessy later came back and then, in front of one of the roommates and her friend, said that the friend didn't want to be with the room that she was in (coincidentally the room that had Jessy's best friend) and would I please let them switch. I told them to ask the head teacher. Jessy said that the head teacher had told her that if I was fine with it, he was fine with it, and I was forced to give in.

The problem is that when I asked the roommate later, she said that she didn't have a problem with her roommates, but Jessy had told her to switch with her. The teacher also told me that he had never said that—he actually told Jessy that he would prefer that she didn't, but he would abide by my decision if Jessy could give me a reason that I felt was viable enough to switch.

So, I feel that because Jessy both manipulated the situation and lied to me, I have the right to not let her go on the next trip in a few weeks. The president of this club however, feels that that's too harsh, and I should just take the high road and let it go. My question is: who's right? Jessy, me, or the president?

Let me get this straight: You've got a girl who went behind your back to try to undermine your decision, manipulated just about everyone involved, lied to your face, and did all this because she didn't want to follow the rules that everyone on this trip had agreed to... and there's actually a question about whether or not she gets punished for it?

Um. Maybe I'm just a crotchety old stickler, but frankly, a world where that girl doesn't get some sort of comeuppance for her obnoxious behavior is not a world I want to live in.

Because really, what Jessy did wasn't just disrespectful of you; it was disrespectful of the club itself, and everyone in it. Which is why personally, I'm right there with you on the rescinding of privileges for the next overnight trip. Not only because it's not harsh, but because it's so completely appropriate to the offense—I mean, I can practically see you guys sitting down and saying, "We're afraid that your behavior indicates that you lack the maturity to go on these trips, and in light of this we're going to have you sit the next one out."

Which, incidentally, is generally considered the Classic Approach to Rule-Breaking Club Members: you're not kicking her off the team, you're just suspending her for the next game so that she can fully appreciate the not-okay-ness of what she did.

That said, if your president isn't on board—and if she can think of a better method of punishing the person who not only manipulated you and the other members, and not only told a baldfaced lie to get her way, but managed to completely undermine the integrity of your club policy in the process—then that's fine. Maybe you'd rather have her make a public apology at your next meeting. Or let her go on the trip, but give her toilet-cleaning duty the entire time. Or have her submit to public flagellation, with a five-pound salmon, in the FACE.

Really, the details aren't important. What is important is that you work on behalf of the club to come up with a penance on which you both agree. (And pssst, since you do have an adult overseer in the form of your head teacher, this might be a good time to get him involved.)

But letting her off without even a slap on the wrist? Well... why? It's not doing Jessy any favors to reinforce the idea that she can just lie to get her way. It's not fair to all the other club members who handled their room assignments like grownups. And for the record, it's most definitely not the high road—because the high road is a place where people manage conflicts with class and without pettiness, not a place where people act like petulant turds and just get away with it because nobody wants to confront them.

How would you handle an undermining club member? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

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