Sadly, I'm a Hipster

pepper2yale just found out that she's a true, blue hipster. SAY IT AIN'T SO!—Sparkitors

Yesterday, I stepped back, did my weekly life evaluation, and came to a frightening realization: I am a hipster. Like any newly self-proclaimed hipster, I went through the Five Stages of Grief.

First: Denial. “Just because I buy ironic thrift store ties and Smithsonian vests doesn’t make me a hipster! And Best Coast and Squeeze are getting more widely known each day! There’s no way I’m a hipster!”

Second: Anger. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’M NOT A FREAKING HIPSTER, OK?! JUST LEAVE THIS TOPIC ALONE!”
“Pepper, honey, I just wanted to know if you wanted some soda...”
“MOMI’MNOTAHIPSTER!!!!!!!”

Third: Bargaining. I thought, What if this is all in my head? I mean, a true hipster wouldn't even know what a hipster is, right?

Fourth: Depression. I was so depressed to find out that I was a hipster that I went to an Americano art exhibit and actually enjoyed it! Usually, the only arts I find attractive are the language arts. I've basically betrayed literature. It is so sad to think that I cheated on my love of English with a guitar made of bottlecaps.

Fifth: Acceptance. I waited for my dad to get home, and as soon as he walked in the door I gave him a huge hug and yelled “Daddy! I’m a hipster! Just like you!” He didn’t know what I was talking about, and looked at me like I had some sort of disorder, but I didn’t care: my father and I were a hipster daddy/daughter duo!

So now, I've accepted the fact that I am a hipster. It must be hereditary, because my Dad is a hipster too (but doesn’t know it or understand why, which makes him the most legit hipster EVER). I have to embrace this change: I have been stripped of my mainstream garments and have been beaten and left for dead by hipster vigilantes. Oddly, I'm ok with this fact, even though it means I can never listen to an other David Guetta song again, and probably have to throw away my phone. I can’t wait for the ironic journey that awaits in my new hipster life!

Are you an accidental hipster?

Related post: 5 Reasons Hipsters Are the Worst