Rosebud Was the Sled: The Movie Club Discusses (and spoils) Citizen Kane

We had a fair share of technical difficulties during the live-blog of Citizen Kane, so a hearty congrats to any and all who stuck with it. Give yourself 100 Dan Points. The next live-blog will run much smoother. Promise. By now you should all have watched Citizen Kane, the very best movie ever made. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t read the headline of this article.

Among the many things I learned during this movie club meeting is that SparkNotes has summaries and notes for movies! Did you know that? I didn’t. Isn’t SparkNotes the best? If only the website dispensed soft-serve ice cream…onto a warm waffle. [sigh]

It’s time for the discussion questions. There are hundreds of important film-school questions that can be asked, but I’m going to steer clear of the boring, “What does it all mean” queries. As usual, my well-informed and 100% accurate answers appear below each question and you are invited to offer your own answers in the comment section below.

1. Do we really know anything about Charles Foster Kane?
Nope! Every person who recounts the life of Kane is biased or flat-out unreliable. That’s what makes the movie so much fun. By the end, we can sort of see who Charles Foster Kane was, but we’re left with more questions. And did you notice there were no turtles in the movie? That must mean something, right? Of course it does. I could explain what it means, but you’re too young to understand.

2. What is the biggest movie mistake of all time?
Did you catch it? Or did you just cheat and look it up online? Here’s the answer: No one was around to hear Kane mutter the famous last word, “Rosebud.” And yet the entire movie is based around the hunt to discover what the word meant. In the opening shot, we see a nurse arrive after Kane says the word and smashed the snow globe, but no one is with him during his final moments. No one could possibly know what he said. That’s a big screw up. This movie sucks. We should have watched A Very Potter Sequel. (Just kidding. No we shouldn’t have.)

3. What’s your favorite scene?
I like the scene with the fancy camera angles, interesting shadows, and complete lack of turtles.

4. Did you notice the bird with the transparent eye?
It happens fast, towards the end of the movie, but you can clearly see the squawking parrot has a transparent eye. Does this represent society’s gaze on an ever-changing, morally corrupt lifestyle? Or is it a simple bird mistake. Or is the bird made of magic! Answer: Magic bird!

5. Will there ever be a movie that will knock Citizen Kane off the top spot as the greatest film of all time?
Doubtful. Kane will always sit on the top because it did everything first. Though, to be fair, I have yet to see Alvin and the Chipmunks.

6. If they remade the movie, what changes would we see?
The whole thing would be dumbed-down. Kane’s politics would get the heave-ho to decrease controversy and make everyone happy. Instead of moral ambiguity and deep characters, we would see car chases and computer generated ghost sleds. And there would be significantly more Paramore songs. And it would be called Sled-Man: Rise of Shadows. Sled-Man would carry a gun, have sled-based powers, and solve crime.

7. Who is the modern real-life equivalent to Citizen Kane?
Mark Zuckerberg, although instead of whispering, “Rosebud,” his final words will be, “The Green Mighty Morphin Power Ranger,” which I assume was his favorite childhood toy.

8. What will be your final words?
“Hello, and welcome to Earth! I would be happy to shake your hand.”

Or

“Weeeeeeeeeee…ow.”

9. Do people read too much into the movie?
Yep, but that’s part of the fun. You can read too much into anything. The ingredients listed on a cereal box may have deep meaning if you analyze it in just the right way. Hint: “Modified Corn Starch” is a codeword for promiscuity.

10. What should we watch in October?
It must be something scary for Halloween. Last year we watched Paranormal Activity. (And the discussion post included my favorite drawing.) Not sure what to pick this month. Is The Nightmare Before Christmas a Christmas movie? I forget what we decided regarding that film. What about something classic like Rosemary’s Baby, Psycho, or The Shinning? Or Alvin and the Chipmunks. What’s your favorite scary movie?

Got a suggestion? Write it in the comments!

Related post: The SparkNotes Movie Club Presents: Citizen Kane