Every Day Is Bacon Day at SparkLife Academy!

By Contributor

September 22, 2011

Finally, we have an excuse to wear that bacon-dress we've been hiding in our closet. Thanks WeDidntStartTheFire! —Sparkitors

SparkLife Academy celebrates many holidays. From birthdays, to birthweeks, to Christmas, to Kwanza, to Left Handed Day, to non-religious holidays, all the way up to the most important holiday of all: Bacon Day. (Disclaimer: If you do not, cannot, will not, or don’t like to eat bacon this does not apply to you. We don’t force-feed bacon at the Academy.)

Bacon Day is celebrated on February 19 each year. This coming year’s celebration is already being planned, but I have come up with a better solution: since SparkLife Academy is so accepting and awesome, why not make every day Bacon Day?

“It’s not healthy!” you say. “We’ll all get fat!” you protest. YOU ARE WRONG. Bacon is healthy, gives you wings, cures cancer, and stops the sun from blowing up. To show appreciation for this tasty meat, here are ten things you can do to make every day Bacon Day:

1. Eat bacon for every meal. you can even change things up a little—dip it in chocolate for dessert, or add a yummy apple for lunch! You can even eat bacon-flavored candy if you want.

2. Wear bacon chopsticks in your hair. This stuff exists. I saw it with my own eyes.

3. Drink bacon-flavored tea. It tastes better than it sounds. And since it has bacon in the title, it sounds pretty dang good.

4. Wear a dress made of raw bacon. This works even if you're a guy—it just shows your extreme dedication to bacon!

5. Sing songs about how much you love bacon. If you don't know any songs, make them up—you'd be surprised how many words rhyme with bacon.

6. Meditate to the sounds of bacon-drops falling off of trees.

7. Use bacon bits on your salads. Because once you add bacon, it's not a salad—it's a game of find the bacon under the lettuce.

8. Bacon toothpaste? This would be a yes. And you really can buy it.

9. Smell like bacon! Spray only bacon-scented perfume and use only bacon-scented lotions and creams. And makeup. Bacon makeup (bac-up?) equals Bonus Bacon Points.

10. Love every Sparkler, regardless of Bacon Status, as you would a nice, crunchy piece of delicious bacon.

By following those simple steps, you are so much closer to being the poised, sophisticated Sparkler that the world knows and loves—and you smell strangely like breakfast.

BACON! Do you love it?!