How to Save a Dying Conversation
Flyergirl13 tells you how to breathe life back into a convo that's headed for dead. Check out her personal blog here!—Sparkitors
We've all had conversations, whether on Facebook, in text, or in real life, that are going along fine and then start looking something like this:
Person 1: Thanks so much for the cookies!
Person 2: No problem :)
Person 1: They were great
Person 2: Ya
Person 1: Yepp
Person 2: Kk
Person 1: Lol
When the dreaded "lol" appears, the conversation has immediate cardiac failure. It collapses to the floor, heaving for breath, as darkness begins to close in. Your first aid training kicks in and you start CPR—but conversations generally need more than some wimpy chest compressions. This is the big leagues, and that's not going to cut it. Here's what to do:
Option One: Throw Out Something Random. Saying something ridiculous and completely off-topic will get the conversation going again.
DO: Blurt out the most random fact you know. Ideas to get you started:
-Polar bears are all left-handed
-Did you know that hedgehogs bounce?
-Thomas Jefferson and John Adams both died on July 4th
DON'T: Give a random fact about something disgusting or off-putting; it will only quicken the death of the conversation. I'm not going to give you examples—use your imaginations.
Option Two: Ask a Question. This can be anything from "What's your favorite smell?" to "What is the meaning of life?"
DO: Ignore the rules of social etiquette. I encourage debates on big no-no topics like money, politics, religion, Taylor Swift—they make it more interesting.
DON'T: Ask boring questions. Instead, inquire about their favorite...
-Type of rock
Option Three: Tell A Story. A bland conversation is the perfect place to test your storyteller skills. Just launch right into a detailed description of a zombie attack or your disastrous family trip to Tijuana.
DO: Be creative. The weirder the story, the better the conversation. I promise. Maybe.
DON'T: Tell the new story you've been developing about a guy who eats kittens. Some things are better left unsaid.
Option Four: Be Witty. If they question your wittiness, simply tell them your sense of humor is pretty obscure and they've probably never heard of it before. Normal jokes are too mainstream.
DO: Use the potassium joke whenever possible. (If they respond with "k" or "kk", say "I like potassium too!")
DON'T: Talk about potassium, because that's just weird.
Option Four: Abandon Ship! If the conversation really is hopeless, you have a two choices: you could call 911 and let the professionals handle it, or you could simply jump overboard. That is, leave. If you're online or texting, escaping is easy. In person, just pretend that you have to go to class. If you're not at school, pretend you have to go home.
DO: Be subtle. Announcing suddenly that they suck and you're leaving will not win you awesome points. Or Dan Points. Or any sort of points, really. Unless you're leaving to go to a basketball game.
DON'T: Slap them. Just in general, this is a good rule to follow.
How do you rescue a dying conversation? Before reading this, we always used to backhand the other person across the face. Guess that's not going to cut it anymore.
Related post: Things to Talk About When You're Feeling Awkward