12 Ways to Spot a Freshman
Being able to spot a freshman is a valuable life skill. Seriously. Freshmen are fun friends to have—for some reason, they look up to you. Believe you're full of wisdom. There are a couple of freshman girls on campus who know me only as “Emma Stone” (my somewhat/not really doppelganger). And I'm ok with that. Mostly because Emma Stone is gorgeous, but also because they're freshmen and they really want to be my friend, and that's excusable. But sometimes, like when you see someone cute, it pays to be able to peg them as a freshmen. Here's how.
1. Lanyards. I don't get the appeal of lanyards, but freshmen sure do.
2. A map. They always have a map. Even, like, two weeks into the semester when they know where all their classes are, they still have at least one map somewhere on their person.
3. Terrified demeanor in social situations. Those who are worried: Trust me, it will all be better if you talk! Say... something!
4. Overly enthusiastic demeanor in social situations. “Hi! I'm Ryan and I'm from Chicago and I don't have a major yet! What are all of your names?!?”
5. Actually waiting for the “walk” sign.
6. Walking in groups. In other words, mob mentality. I know groups make you feel safe because you're new, but seriously. Don't decide who your bff's are before you know them.
7. “What did YOU get on your ACT?” Once you're accepted, nobody actually cares about test scores except other freshmen.
8. Food confusion. For some reason, a lot of freshmen haven't figured out how to work the dining hall yet. They load up their trays with mediocre food that looks good, then throw half of it away when they realize exactly how mediocre it tastes.
9. They bring their laptops everywhere. Computers are not as important as people seem to think they are. My friend is actually selling his because he's easily distracted by the World Wide Web, and didn't use his computer for much more than facebook, anyway.
10. They get up more than half an hour before class. This is not necessary. It's just a waste of valuable sleep time.
11. Class rings and letter jackets. So glad I didn't spend the money on something nobody wears more than a year after they graduate.
12. Their room décor actually sometimes matches. They buy all their stuff at the same time at Target or Walmart or something, so ever single color is perfectly complimentary and boring. I prefer a more adventurous color scheme. Namely, none at all.
Ginger's Song of the Week: You probably think the Lonely Island is funny, don't you? Well, Big Mama Thorton is funnier, and she doesn't even try. Plus, saxophone solos are way cooler than Michael Thorton solos.
How do you spot frosh?