No More Whining: Ashley's Workout Advice

Dear Ashley:
I'm 5'7'' and 160 lbs. I'm not horribly overweight, but I've been 160 lbs since I was 13 (I'm almost 17 ) and I'm tired of weighing more than the rest of my friends. I know if I just lose 15 lbs and tone up a bit, I'll feel super confident and look absolutely stellar. I eat fairly healthily, but it doesn't help me lose weight, it just helps me not gain any more. So that leaves working out, and there's the problem!

I hate hate HATE exercise with a passion. I hate sweating, I hate exerting myself, and I hate the feeling. The prospect of going to a gym with my mom and brother, where a bunch of fit people can watch me huff and puff as I fail to do a single push-up, makes me want to cry. I'm deathly afraid of sports apparatus hurtling through the air toward me, and running is torture, so sports are no fun. I'd be fine with going on walks and jumping on a trampoline for a few minutes every day, but I don't like that I can't multitask while I exercise, and it seems like a waste of my time to me. While I could, I don't want to invite someone to exercise with me because that would be humiliating. Am I just too proud and need to get over my dread and submit myself to the humiliation that is exercising in public, or is there some way this geeky writer chick can make exercise fun and exciting for herself?

Thanks so much for letter! I’m glad my posts have made you think about your own lifestyle. Recognizing that you could be healthier and more active is great—it shows you're aware of the need to shake things up and shake your butt into better shape.

There is always room for improvement when it comes to our health—but not just for the sake of seeing a lower number on the scale. We come in all different shapes and sizes, and some people look pretty awesome at 160 pounds, given their body types. For others, that might not be the case. Try not to put so much emphasis on “the number.” It’s not about how much you weigh; it’s about how you feel and look.

In your letter, you say you’re sick of being heavier than all your friends. The first thing I want you to do is to stop comparing yourself to others. You will always be taller, bigger, fatter, flabbier, or smaller and thinner than people around you. That’s why I’m urging you to look at yourself and only yourself when you evaluate the things you need to change.

Notice how I haven’t yet given you any specific advice on exercise yet? That thus I've focused on looking at yourself or seeing things the right way? That’s because getting healthy is almost 100% mental. And it sounds like you need a major attitude adjustment.

Your letter tells me that you know you need to change some habits—and that’s great! BUT your letter is also jammed-packed with excuses about why you can’t exercise, why you hate exercise, and why you refuse to exercise. WAH! You hate sports! WAH! You hate sweat! WAH! You hate movement! I don't mean to sound harsh, but no matter what excuses you come up with, the bottom line is that everyone has to exercise if they want to be healthy and happy. That’s why I am urging you to try to change the way you think about exercising and being active.

I hate hate HATE exercise with a passion.

I’m going to let you in on a secret: a lot of other people hate exercise too, and yet they make it to the gym. Remember the saying "No pain, no gain"? That should be your mantra as you gear up to go to the gym. You think people get in shape without working hard? No way! Working out should be somewhat enjoyable, but it's also challenging. No one said it was easy.

If you ask regular gym-goers how they feel about weightlifting or running on the treadmill, many say, "It's horrible!" They mean that and they don't. Exercise is kind of a love/hate thing. It's hard and not 100 percent enjoyable, but when it's over, you feel a huge sense of accomplishment, and pleasure in the knowledge that you are taking care of you body. You also experience an incredible burst in endorphins. That's what makes exercise, for me at least, an awesome kind of mental therapy.

Keep in mind, this love of working out may take time to build. Jumping into a new exercise routine is really tough at first. While natural-born athletes may immediately love going to the gym, for others, it takes some getting used to. I was one of those people—it was NOT love at first sight! When you start, you really have to will yourself to push through things. And that’s still the case for me today. Sometimes, during my 6 a.m. strength class, I wish I could walk out, go home, and dive straight back into bed, but don't, because I know that my goal is to finish class. It’s that simple—you show up to the gym with a goal, and you don’t leave until you accomplish it. And then the rest of the day, you can feel smug and great about getting your shiz done.

I hate sweating, I hate exerting myself, and I hate the feeling.

I really don’t care if you don’t like sweating—retrain your brain and make it know that sweating equals greatness. Sweating is exactly what you should be aiming for. Sweating means a job well done. This morning when I left my Zumba class, my ponytail was positively soaked in sweat. That’s what you should be aiming for—a good sweat four to five times a week. Get in the gym, do your work, get your sweat, and get out and do the other things you like—like writing!

The prospect of going to a gym with my mom and brother, where a bunch of fit people can watch me huff and puff as I fail to do a single push-up, makes me want to cry.

I am a firm believer in gyms, and I think joining one makes it more likely that you will go and get in shape. When you first start working it, it's normal to feel embarrassed and nervous—but don’t overanalyze the whole working-out-in-front-of-others thing. To tell you the truth, nobody cares what you’re doing there. Everyone is there to work on him- or herself, and no one's focusing at you. To others, you’re just a body on a bike in their peripheral vision. I can truly tell you I’ve never looked around my gym and thought, “Wow, that geeky looking chick should stop trying to do push-ups.” Everyone at the gym is there for IMPROVEMENT, and because most people are in a positive mood, they aren’t thinking negative things about those around them.

Get a friend or a trainer to show you the ropes and give you some workout routine tips and ideas. You’ll feel more comfortable when you’ve got a set routine and know how to do different exercises on your own. Another tip: use the other people in the gym to your advantage. If you want to be the best, watch the best. Once you identify the gym rats with the awesome bodies, check out what they do. Pick up some new moves just by observing—it’s certainly cheaper than hiring a personal trainer.

I'm deathly afraid of sports apparatus hurtling through the air toward me, and running is torture, so sports are no fun.

Nobody said exercise can’t be fun. I urge you to try different things—Zumba, weight lifting, yoga, cardio step, Pilates, hip hop dance, biking, kickboxing, spinning, or jogging. If you end up REALLY trying all of those things with an open mind, I believe you will find at least one activity you don't hate. Sounds like you just need to dabble and figure it out what you like. And please try exercise classes—they make working out so EASY. You don’t have to think; you just have to follow the instructor's lead. And if a certain move is too hard for you, the teacher will give you an easier alternative. So I know you can do it! Plus, the social experience is truly enjoyable—you can make workout buds.

I'd be fine with going on walks and jumping on a trampoline for a few minutes every day, but I don't like that I can't multitask while I exercise.

I’m going to tell you that if you can read a book or follow an entire TV show on the treadmill, you are not working out hard enough. You shouldn’t need to multitask, because you don’t even have to dedicate all that much time to exercise—just 30 minutes to an hour. I'm sure you can stand to cut back on something else (like chatting online with friends or Facebooking) and get your butt on a bike or something. Cut off communication at the gym and focus. Not only will you get good workouts, but you'll get great mental clarity.

It seems like a waste of my time to me.

How is personal improvement and working on getting healthy a waste of time? Unless you're a cancer curer who rescues animals, saves orphans, and replants rainforests on a day-to-day basis, you can make time in your schedule for getting fit.

While I could, I don't want to invite someone to exercise with me because that would be humiliating.

I don’t think I can tell you all that much you don’t already know. You can try workout videos in your basement, but I personally like social interaction and real people around me when I work out. It’s really motivating. But if you are truly desperate, get P90x and don’t let yourself go on the internet while it plays on the TV. You also can go for walks, dance in your room, bike on a trail (which can be fun!), or try jogging. I do mix these activities into my workout routine, but I find that they tend to get somewhat monotonous. I like to go to the gym so I can go to the classes and get told what to do, and go on different machines and lift different sets of weights. I think the key to exercising long term is to constantly try new things and challenge yourself in new ways. Doing the same old stuff gets dull, and it’s easy to see why people quit.

Am I just too proud and needy to get over my dread and submit myself to the humiliation that is exercising in public, or is there some way this geeky writer chick can make exercise fun and exciting for herself?

Working out doesn’t have to be your life or your passion. You say you’re a big geeky writer chic—um, hello, so am I! But I am a geeky writer chick who has trained herself to be an exercise machine for just a few hours a week, and I know you can too. I think your brain is your biggest barrier right now. If you can change your way of thinking, soon you'll be able to do not just one, but ten pushups.

What I want you to do is:

1. Challenge yourself—first mentally. Tell yourself sweat is the key to LIFE. Think only positive things about exercise.

2. When the WAH part of you starts to take over, tell yourself to stop being such a big baby.

3. Show up to the gym one day and do something kind of easy—just go on a bike ride. I’m hoping this gives you a small sense of accomplishment and makes you realize that maybe it’s not as bad as you keep telling yourself.

4. Grab your gym’s class schedule and pick two classes to try in one week. I want you to go to them and stay for the whole thing. If you feel like you are going to die in the middle of class, take a breather, grab your water, and modify the exercise. Trust me, I do that all the time. Bring a friend and maybe you’ll see that even people who are “skinny” still huff and puff when they are exercise too.

Good luck on your mental and physical challenge—let us know how it goes! I hope my bit of tough love helps get your butt in gear and gets your hair COVERED IN SWEAT!

What do you think about mind over matter? Do you believe in the power of the brain? What are your workout tips?

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