Guess My Hometown

By Contributor

September 6, 2011

All we know for sure is that alexsarcastic21 lives square in the middle of sweet tea country. –Sparkitors

HEEE HAWW Y’ALL! Buckle up cause I’m about to take you on a wild ride! My hometown is smack dab in between the hustlin, bustlin, city of Atlanta, Georgia, on one side, and the home of the hillbillies on the other! As the perfect place to retire or rear some youngun’s (raise a family, in Yankee speak), my town is one of the fastest growing in the US. But don’t worry, ‘cause we just can’t quit with that good ol’, down-home Southern style. Here are some clues about my hometown:

1. Every third car on the road is a red pick-up truck with a Georgia Bulldogs bumper sticker, or a chicken truck.

2. Half the town smells like cooking chickens, as we are the proud, self-proclaimed poultry capital of the universe!!!! That’s right...the universe.

3. Everyone is, in some way, related to the Runaway Bride.

4. For fun you might visit the poultry park, complete with a chicken statue.

5. When it begins to snow school is automatically canceled, and people start to stockpile food and chop up enough firewood to last them the rest of winter and into spring.

6. It's illegal to eat fried chicken with a fork. (Yes, that is a law. No, I’m not joking.)

7. You know everyone in the grocery store by their first name.

8. People roll down their car windows to talk to you at red lights.

9. If you say you're a vegetarian, people will look at you sympathetically and shake their heads, until you add, “Except for chicken. I LOVE chicken. YUM!” and take a large helping of chicken.

10. Locals will try to scare you by telling you the story of how our beloved Lake Lanier was created by flooding an old valley, and how if you go deep enough under you can still find houses down there.

11. You can still find a good old-fashioned ice cream cone for 50 cents.

12. If you're thirsty in the summer, odds are you can locate some little kids to sell you lemonade from their lemonade stand.

13. The streets are completely dead by 9:30 on a Saturday night.

14. 95% of women over the age of 32 have a subscription to Southern Living magazine. (I just made that statistic up, but it’s probably true.)

15. The Baptists and the Presbyterians race each other to lunch on Sundays after church.

16. Every woman over the age of 60 reminds you a little bit of Paula Deen.

If you ever find yourself bewildered and in my hometown, just know that there's a fellow Sparkler here. So order a piece of chicken and a glass of sweet tea, and kick your heels up, y’all!

Can you guess where alexsarcastic21's hometown is located?