dac213, you did a very brave thing in bringing us this list. We hope you can stop crying soon. –Sparkitors
After the train wreck that was Transformers 2, I just couldn’t bring myself to see Transformers 3, and Puss in Boots is basically Shrek 4, a sequel/spin-off that I can’t imagine going well. Yes, Hollywood is notorious for stretching movie franchises until they break. Recently I hacked into Hollywood’s Top Secret Database Of Upcoming Sequels in an effort to prepare myself for the terrible movies in store for us. I present for your viewing horror sequels that are coming to a theater (or television) near you.
1. You seriously thought everyone's favorite cheerleader series ended with Bring It On: Fight to the Finish, didn't you? You're so naive. Get ready for:
Seriously, Bring it on This Time
Mindy’s school is making budget cuts, and the only way to save the Eastbrook High Cheering Warriors is for the squad to win a secret underground cheering competition. Also, Mindy has a goth boyfriend who, it turns out, is also amazing at the top of a cheer pyramid.
2. You didn’t think the I Know What You Did Last Summer franchise could go any further, did you? Well, you underestimated the desperation of Hollywood! They headed all the way back to the '90s to bring us:
Why Do You Keep Doing Bad Things in the Summer? I’m Going to Know About It
This sequel follows the children of the original characters as they face the evil hook-handed guy. Over the years, however, he's softened, and now he only wants the kids to avoid making regular teenager mistakes. So whenever they fail to fasten their seatbelts, or even think about copying someone else's test, he pops out and menacingly tells them to stop. It’s scary because they’re being lectured by a parental figure! It's also soooo embarrassing.
3. Hollywood is famous for slaughtering beloved books, and Harry Potter fans should get their booing horns ready for this upcoming Warner Brothers' money grab:
The Legacy of Harry Potter
Harry Potter’s son, Albus, struggles to live up to his parents’ heroic legacy, all while facilitating his cousin Rose’s clandestine romance with Scorpius Malfoy. Brooms are replaced with magical hovercrafts for some reason, and in the end, everyone is saved by a Patronus shaped like Shia LaBeouf.
4. As if Hollywood won't do enough to ruin our childhood memories with Legacy, they will then inflict us with:
A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Musical
This movie musical will feature songs such as, “Why Won’t He Shave That Unibrow?!,” “Time To Invent Stuff,” and “I’m a Nerd, But I’m Also The Only One Who Gets Kissed, So Take That, Violet!”
What's your prediction for Hollywood's next dreadful sequel?
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