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19 Things that Prove Jon Skindzier Is THE MAN

19 Things that Prove Jon Skindzier Is THE MAN

By Contributor

This post definitely convinced us of one thing: Animated_Apathy has read every Jono post EVER. —Sparkitors

I am convinced that Jono Skindzier is an incredible miracle of life. Thus, I compiled a list of 19 quotes and pictures (written and drawn by his own hands) that prove Jono Skindzier is true love incarnate.

But why should you listen to a fangirl when you can see how incredible he is for yourself? Read this list and I promise you'll be clearing space in your room for a Jono shrine (right next to your Dan poster).

1. “Otherwise, just crawl into bed with a whole cheesecake and go to sleep. When you wake up, the sun will be shining, the birds will be going 'HELLO OTHER BIRDS,' and the day will be a brand new day, one in which you have not yet had a specific kind of falling down in public named after you.” From What To Do If You Have the Worst First Day of School in the History of the World.

2. “And frankly, I like when women trample all over gender norms, in soccer cleats, on their way to beat me at soccer. Not that that's anything too special, because I already lose to girls at sports all the time, like even when nobody is playing any sports. I'll just be sitting there minding my own business, and some chick will drive by my front window and beat me at basketball.” From Ask Jono: Being a Tomboy Who Is Also a Girl.

3. “I'm not going to tell you how many girls I pined after in high school because I would need my graphing calculator to figure it out, and the last time I saw my graphing calculator I was hurling it into the river.” From Ask Jono: Getting Over A Crush.

4. This picture.

5. “Shirts are for wearing! They're not for not wearing.” From Ask Jono: Picking a Guy Who Is Not a Disaster.

6. “Look, I can only go so far with this advice. I'm probably already on an FBI watchlist for periodically Googling "HOW DO I ATTRACT TEENAGE GIRLS" to have stuff to link to for this column, and if I get too descriptive on this point, I'm going to wind up explaining it to a pair of humorless men in a dark room.” From Ask Jono: Being a Tomboy Who Is Also a Girl.

7. This picture, too.

8. “'I will literally die and not be alive anymore if you tell anyone,' you can then conclude.” From Ask Jono: Keepin’ Secrets.

9. “Your first impulse is likely to be, 'Well, I've already eaten like forty cakes, so I might as well eat forty-one cakes.' But no. Shut up. Every small success is still a success, and every incremental step forward is important to reaching your goal. Also you should probably just not eat so many cakes.” From How To Improve Your Will Power.

10. “'But my catpig is brilliant, I tell you!' you will announce to absolutely nobody. The loyalty of a cat! The cleanliness of a pig! I will change the world!'” From How To Be a Mad Scientist.

11. “You shouldn't be like, 'Oh, this is just my friend I found on the ground somewhere.' The person in question should be 'My friend!!! Hooray!' At least three exclamation points.” From Ask Jono: “Just Friends.”

12. “Kittens have been getting by uncriticized for far too long. Find a kitten, look it right in the eyes, and be like, 'Look at you, you're a terrible kitten. What can you even do, meow and play with yarn? So can I, and what does that get me? A bad mood, that's what.'" From How To Enjoy A Bad Mood.

13. “'Typewriter calamity?' is not a very good start to a conversation, though it would make a serviceable band name.” From How To Talk To Strangers.

14. “'Did you clean out the gutters?' your dad asks, certain that you didn't. 'I absolutely did,' you reply in a slow, even voice. The two of you make eye contact. You stand opposite one another in the hallway. Nobody movies. A tumbleweed blows past. In the distance, someone plays a haunting harmonica refrain.” From How To Weasel Out Of Doing Chores.

15. “Even though you two obviously haven't dated, this is a lot like figuring out whether exes can have a friendship free from awkwardness. The answer is that this is 100% impossible, trying to do so will literally kill everybody, and you would be better off just repeatedly punching him in the face every single time you see him.” From Ask Jono: Friends With Not Benefits.

16. This picture. From Oh, No Everyone! We Are All Fat.
Also, that title.

17. “Look, if I were in some public setting, with my mind on a million different things, and someone pulled the conversational equivalent of jumping out of a closet and saying 'BOO! DO YOU LIKE ME,' I would be at a loss, even if I did like her. Rather than saying 'Actually, yes, I do,' I would probably say something like 'Bluh??' and blink a few times. 'You... I... The thing is,' I would continue, profoundly, and then walk into a wall. I realize I am not the norm in terms of smoothness, but I still don't think your dude should be under any pressure for this situation.” From Ask Jono: Figuring Out Mixed Signal Guy.

18. “Speaking of emoticons, these can be a valuable way to indicate that you are cheery (:D), playful (;)), or whatever is meant by this one that resembles a duck (:<>). But if you're constantly laughing and winking and quacking, how will the other person know when you're winking meaningfully, or when you're trying to express that you have turned into a duck?” From How To Flirt Online.

19. “I wouldn't know, because when I'm in this situation I invariably find myself telling some kind of pointless lie for no reason ('Hi. My... mom... wondered how you were doing, and, uh, did you leave... your wallet... at my house? Oh, you don't own a wallet? Okay, goodbye forever.')” From Ask Jono: Reconnecting.

What's your favorite Jon quote?

Related Post: All of Everything Written by Jon Skindzier is here!

Wanna write for SL? Read this!

Topics: The Internets
Tags: sparkler posts, quotes, sparklife, sploggers, ask jono, funny quotes, favorite things, jon skindzier

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