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How to Survive a Week in the Wilderness

How to Survive a Week in the Wilderness

Flyergirl13 is about to save your city-dwelling BUTT. For more of her hilarity, check out her blog!—Sparkitors

Now, don't get me wrong; I love the wilderness. It's absolutely awesome. But I just took a trip to Alaska for a few weeks (it was amazing!) and I must say I didn't enjoy the lack of cell and internet service. So I figure there's a need for this guide, in case you're ever trapped in the Alaskan wilderness with no electronic access (the horror!). So what can you do to stay entertained, aside from spending time on the lookout for bears, moose, caribou, and Sarah Palin? Here are all the tips you'll need to survive without a cell phone, like they did back in the dark ages about a decade ago.

Step One: Sing. Maybe this worked mostly because it was a Girl Scout trip, but it's still a viable option. And I don't mean stupid camp songs. Belting out "Edge of Glory" on a public tour bus is a great start, shortly followed by a live concert of Disney songs for the crew on your fishing boat. And I can't even sing!

DO: Choose songs that everyone will know. Maybe you're obsessed with Queen, but for some reason that I still have difficulty understanding, not many other people are.

DON'T: Get too crazy. Per example, singing "Grenade" while going through airport security? Only a good idea if you're looking to be strip-searched.

Step Two: Card Games. We lived and breathed Egyptian Rat-Screw and BS, but choose whatever games suit your fancy!

DO: Bring cards. Lots of them. And, I say this from experience, check the deck before you leave, or you'll pull it out to play and realize you only have 34 cards. Never a good feeling.

DON'T: Get too violent. Games like Spit and Egyptian Rat-Screw can, and will, turn into epic slapping bouts. However, that's when things get the most exciting, so don't play too gentle either.

Step Three: Find Something to Look At. For example, those beautiful guys in the hot tub at our hotel.

DO: Find an excuse to stare. Like, if there are gorgeous guys in the hot tub, go down about five times because you "need towels" from the towel rack in the pool area.

DON'T: Be so obvious that you scare them (like forcing a friend randomly to ask them how old they are). On the other hand, you can be ridiculous and weird if you want, because you'll never see them again anyway.

Step Four: When All Else Fails...Talk. Be like a normal teenager and gossip. Get in everyone's business and ask them if they have an S.O. Play "Never Have I Ever" or Truth or Dare. Have a debate over which kind of dinosaur is best. See if anyone knows who Dan B is, and if so, scream for five minutes while dancing.

DO: Use the unplugged time to really get to know the people around you. Because it's a rare chance.

DON'T: Be too scary-creepy-stalkerish when "getting to know" them. For example, "What floor of your house is your bedroom on?" is NOT the best question. Neither is "How many small children are there in your neighborhood?" or "Which door to your house is usually unlocked?"

Have you ever been stranded in the nature with no internet to save you? How'd you pass the time?

Related post: How To Survive an Internet-Free Camping Trip

Topics: Life
Tags: guides, camping, internet, funny things, how to, nature, girl scouts, wilderness

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