Ashley's Advice for an Overweight Sparkler

I am a teenage girl whose weight is in the upper end of the overweight category. (I'm 5 foot 4 and 170lbs). And I really really really REALLY want to lose weight. And not just for the normal reasons, but because I know I'm unhealthy and that there are many health problems that can come from being overweight later in life. Of course, being able to wear a bathing suit in front of my friends without feeling like an elephant or not having to hide my thighs all the time are also huge pluses. But my real question is, can you offer advice on how to find a plan and stick to it?I have found lots of plans that will work (I tried riding the stationary bike in our garage daily, but that didn't help much) but the problem is, I have a bad day and I turn to food or I go out to eat with friends and I feel awkward just getting a small salad. Also, I live with a teenage boy, so asking my mom to stop buying the unhealthy stuff is out of the question. My friends have offered to exercise with me because they swear they need to get in shape too, but they're already at healthy weights and just want to tone up a bit, so I normally just say no. What I really want is a way to make myself want to exercise instead of wanting to eat. Do you have any advice that I haven't already heard?

Kudos to you for deciding you want to get healthy! That’s the first step to getting fit! Now that you’ve made up your mind, it sounds like you need to find workout and eating plan that works for you. Here's my advice.

Join a gym. Riding a stationary bike in a garage sounds really BORING and hellish. In order to find a plan that works and stick to it, you need an exercise routine that's exciting.

Take classes. Find a gym in your area that offers a variety of classes—strength, swim, kickboxing, hip-hop, yoga. I think classes are great, because instructors know what they're doing, and even when you are tired, unmotivated, or simply not in the mood, you have a teacher to tell you what to do, so in that regard, it’s mindless. I would suggest trying a little bit of everything—if you're a dancer, try a Zumba class (it’s like Latin/salsa dancing, and it's great for your belly). If you like biking, try a spin class. If you’re not sure what you like, just try them all. Eventually, you will find something you enjoy doing, and that will make going to the gym not just easy, but actually fun. If you’re think you're too scared or intimated to try a class, I would urge you to put your babyish feelings aside and try anyway. You may even make friends with other people, who will make it fun to keep coming back week after week.

Get a trainer. If you're serious about losing weight, hiring a weekly personal trainer is a great investment. If that's out of your budget, get a trainer to do a one-time session and show you a simple routine you can do daily by yourself. Some gyms even offer these types of sessions for free when you join.

Make a schedule. Having a set time to work out is a great way to get yourself on a schedule. It’s really important to set some small goals—like showing up to gym by 10:00am. That way, when you follow through, you’ll feel like you’re accomplishing something.

Shoot for going to the gym four or five days a week. Everyone deserves at least a day off, so don’t overdo it!

Don't skip weight training. If you’re on your own, make sure you do both strength and cardio. Lifting weights in front of others can be intimidating, but if you want your thighs to be able to make their big debut, you've got to get over the fear. To keep your routine going in the weight room, try new things and change up your moves so that you not only work different parts of your body, but also get less bored. Don’t think you can get away with only doing cardio—if you want to lose body fat (and appear thinner, even without dropping much weight)—this is BEYOND important. I credit strength training with making me look less disgusting in shorts.

Take your friends up on their offer. You say your friends have offered to work out with you—that’s great. Even if someone doesn’t look like she needs to lose weight, she should still exercise for health reasons. Plus, working out is a great thing for friends to do together. It beats sitting around watching TV and snacking on CHIPS. Bring your besties along when you try classes for the first time. It will seem less scary!

Your letter also talks about food, and I have some suggestions about how to handle that.

Talk to your mother. You say your mom won't change the way she shops because of your brother. Is that something you assume, or is that something she’s told you? If you haven’t already, tell her the feelings you are having—that you feel out of shape and unhealthy, and that you find it really hard to be surrounded by junk food. If she could scale back on a few junk items, especially the ones you happen to enjoy more than your brother, that would be a good start. At the very least, she should buy some snack and meal options that are for you only, and are healthy (for ideas, see my post on food). If she doesn’t make some changes, she’s really doing some damage to you, and you need to let her know that!

Make your own eating choices. After you get your mom to buy you some fruits, veggies, and the occasional unsalted chips and salsa snacks, you need to make adjustments when you are with your friends. It sucks, but everyone has friends that can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. I am not one of these people—I have to watch what I eat. And you seem the same. If you are going to lose weight, you won’t be able to eat a burger with fries all the time—and that’s ok! Your friends shouldn’t care what you order at lunch—they should be too busy figuring out what they’re going to ingest. Getting a salad at lunch isn’t always the way to go, either. Dressings can be full of calories and fat—plus restaurants tend to add lots of unnecessary amounts of cheese and other fatty items. Your best bet is a grilled chicken sandwich. Instead of fries, opt for a side salad or fruit. When you go out with your friends for lunch, it should be enjoyable—look for places in the area that have healthy menus. And breakfast is an easy meal to make healthy—go out for omelets and give egg whites a try. Get a bowl of oatmeal and fruit. Order anything—just stay away from hash browns!

I think the only real key to staying true to a fitness and eating plan is yourself. You really have to want to try and change. You really have to force yourself to kick bad habits. You have to reach for carrots instead of Crunchers. You have to get up and go to the gym instead of sleeping in. You have to say no to pizza and no to milkshakes, and sometimes that feels like you are saying no to your friends, especially when you have to avoid certain situations like Fridays at the pizza place, because your health and your body come first. But what I can tell you is that saying no to some of these things will make you a better, happier, healthier person. Try not to think of your new plan as saying no to bad things; conceptualize it as saying yes to the right things and saying yes to yourself.

When you first start your plan, you may be frustrated and wonder when you'll see results. You have to remember that pounds don’t just come right off—a week of healthy eating won't get rid of the weight you’ve put on in the last few years. Realistically, if you want to see a noticeable body change, it’s going to take months, maybe even a year. But think of yourself as 20 or 30 pounds thinner in a year. Doesn’t that sound so exciting?!? I promise that once you start dropping weight, and watching your body fat go down, you will not only look better, but you will be so proud of yourself. There is no better feeling—not even making love to a taco with your tongue—then stepping on that scale after weeks of hard work, and watching the number fall—even if it's ever so slightly. Soon you will be 168, then 165, then 163, and eventually, you will get to a number that works for you! Don’t get frustrated and don’t give up—being healthy is worth fighting for!

Maybe this will give you hope: I started my program a year ago. When I went shopping for bathing suits this spring break, it was the first enjoyable swimwear shopping experience I can remember since I’ve had boobs. I spent five hundred dollars on three bathing suits because I thought I looked amazing and didn’t give a crap what it cost. This spring was the first time I felt comfortable wearing a regular bikini—no more hiding my thighs behind skorted bottoms. And while I haven't lost like 100 pounds or anything crazy, I feel so much better about myself, so much more confident, and yes, so much less FAT, that I can finally wear swimwear without wondering if the cottage cheese-ish skin on my thighs is  hanging out, because I don’t got that no more. So hey, maybe make this summer the one where you start your plan, and next year set your goal to rocking a new bikini or at least not crying at the swimsuit section in Target.

I really hope you are able to get healthy and happy. It is the hardest thing you will do in your life, but also the most rewarding! Let me know how you’re doing, so we can go bikini shopping next year.

Did you lose weight? We'd love to see before and after pics of your healthy transformation! Inspire other Sparklers; send your pics to contribute@sparknotes.com.

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