Auntie SparkNotes: Picky McPickerton

Dearest Auntie,

Needless to say, I have a problem. Mine's not about boys or school, but about food. It's not that I'm anorexic or anything; I really like food. Certain kinds of food, that is. You see, I'm a picky eater. And I'm not talking about the "I don't like cucumbers and broccoli" kind of picky eater. Foods I don't eat include cheese (yes, even cream cheese), all kinds of sauces and condiments, and most cooked vegetables. You can probably imagine that this makes eating at restaurants somewhat... difficult.

I've been this way since I was three or so, and it hasn't really bothered me—until now that I'm becoming more aware of the consequences my picky eating may have on my future life. Eating dinner at my potential boyfriend's house? Going out to dinner with co-workers? Cooking for my potential children (whom I don't want to raise to become like me, of course)? Scary stuff!

I've done some more research on this lately, and I suspect I may be a so-called supertaster ("a person who experiences the sense of taste with far greater intensity than average," according to Wikipedia); for example, once my dad detected a faint taste of garlic in some crackers and I was like, "OMG there is so much GARLIC I have to go spit it out and brush my teeth and OH MY GAWD the TASTE!!!" So should I use this as an excuse by telling people about my Selective Eating Disorder and risk sounding like a psychotic freak? Or should I just try to make myself like these foods (which I've tried before, even blindfolded so I won't know if it's something I like or not—it didn't work)? Or should I try to hide it (which will be difficult)? Or just live in a small apartment with 72 cats and eat pasta without sauce forever?

Don't you worry, Sparkler! I know just the thing to help you keep your picky habits under wraps for as long as necessary!

Step 1: Allow yourself to be served a plate of food.
Step 2: As everyone begins eating, suddenly point to a corner of the room and shout, "HOLY BEJEEZUS, WHAT IS THAT THINGS OVER THERE?!"
Step 3: When everyone turns to look, sprinkle their plates with a hefty dose of iocaine powder.
Step 4: After your dinner companions are all dead, go to the kitchen and make yourself a plate of pasta.

...Just kidding! (Actually, you should just dose their beverages with roofies.)

But in all seriousness, here's the deal: a Selective Eating Disorder, despite its official-sounding name, is not something you can trot out as a free pass for your picky eating. It's called a disorder for a reason; when you'll only eat such a limited number of foods, you run the risk of ending up with nutritional deficiencies and health problems, not to mention a lot of anxiety surrounding social mealtimes. So, if nothing else, please do analyze what you're eating and make sure you don't need to take supplements to make up for anything (vitamins, minerals, etc) that's missing.

And meanwhile, while it's possible that you might be a supertaster, their aversions are usually to sweet, astringent, or bitter foods—but they love salt, which means that the flavor of garlic shouldn't be a problem. So, my guess? You're just plain picky! Which is fine! Because so are lots of people, and happily, most of them grow out of it. (Even Auntie SparkNotes, who will now eat anything, spent the first 17 years of her life keeping to a strict diet of plain pasta, grilled cheese, and Cheetos.) Your palate gets less squicky-sensitive as you get older, to both taste and texture. And that's good news for you, since your aversion to cooked vegetables and anything saucy may have more to do with the goopy/squisy/slimy factor and less to do with how they taste.

So, for the most part, you'll just need to hang in there, keep trying, and wait for your pickiness to dial down—which is what happens for most people, usually by age 20. And in the meantime, you can eat sandwiches. And okay, for real, if you do somehow find yourself served with a food that you literally cannot choke down under any circumstances? You have permission to cloak your aversion in the legitimate explanation of a nonspecific "dietary restriction." Because as little white lies go, "Oooh, sorry, I'm lactose intolerant!" is about as harmless as they come.

Have you conquered picky eating? Tell us how you did it! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: Parties for Picky Eaters