Hi Auntie,
I've been reading your advice for a while, and I think that you could help me. AP scores just came back in the mail for my sister, and she did well. But (and I'm ashamed to admit this) I'm a snoopy person, and I looked at her envelope with her scores. She hadn't shown the actual papers to anyone when she told our family the scores, and I found out that instead of getting what she said she did, a couple of her scores were a bit exaggerated. Last year's results were also in there, and I saw that instead of getting a 4 in one test, she got a 2. This wouldn't affect her grades or anything, but our parents are pretty strict about school and always want us to get straight As. I'm conflicted over whether I should go to my parents and risk getting my sister into trouble, or going straight to my sister. I know she would be mad that I looked at her results, and maybe the whole thing could just be a misunderstanding. She's also never lied like this before, and she's also kept that lie for a long time. So what should I do?
This is a tricky question, Sparkler. So first, let's start with the things you shouldn't do:
A) Run to your parents without talking to your sister first.
B) Snoop in other people's mail.
Seriously, I know you know it's wrong, but being ashamed to admit it isn't enough. You've gotta knock it off. People—and yes, even people with something to hide—are entitled to their privacy, and snooping on your sister was completely and totally out of line. Plus, as you've discovered, prying into things not-your-business is a great way to end up in possession of information that you a) shouldn't have, and b) would really prefer not to have known.
So, to recap: don't snoop, don't snitch, and definitely don't snoop'n'snitch—especially not before you talk it out with your sis. Tell her what you saw, apologize profusely for invading her privacy, and ask her why she didn't tell the truth. Don't threaten; don't judge; just listen, and see what she has to say. And for the record, this is a non-negotiable rule of Being a Decent Human Being: when you come across compromising information about a friend or family member, you always, always approach them with it first. If it's a misunderstanding, the person in question deserves the chance to explain; if it's not, he deserves the chance to come clean on his own.
That said, if your folks are as strict as you say, and since there's nothing at stake but their approval, it's not hard to guess why your sister might choose to fib about her less-than-stellar AP scores. And depending upon how they react when even your best efforts yield a not-so-great performance, her dishonesty might even be understandable. (When parents combine high expectations with unforgiving standards, it doesn't take long for kids to realize that owning up to their failures only gets them punished.) But ultimately, under the circumstances, her lie says a lot more about her relationship with your parents than it does about her academic integrity.
Which brings us to this: in this case, I don't think it's your place to tell your parents what your sister chose not to—especially when you'd never have found out without that icky invasion of her privacy. And while her lie might trouble you, it doesn't affect you; in fact, since there's nothing at stake but your sister's reputation, the only person who gets hurt by the deception is her. So while you're welcome to encourage her to come clean, in the end, this is her secret to keep or not.
Would you tell your parents a not-so-sweet secret about your sibling? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: Big Mother is Watching You
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