Confessions of a Teacher's Kid

sydney8711 lives behind enemy lines, and she's about to give you the ultimate insider's scoop!—Sparkitors

I recently read a post titled 10 Ways to Annoy Your History Teacher, and it inspired me to come up with my own list. You may ask, “How could you come up with a better list than that?” Well, I have gone through 9 history teachers in 11 years—and my dear old mum happens to be one of them. I get to hear every detail about how kids get on her nerves. So based on my mother’s experiences (and some of mine), here are the top 10  ways to annoy your history teacher:

1. Pronounce everything wrong. This one will drive your teacher INSANE. I have personally witnessed many of these types of annoyances, and they work like a charm. For example, try saying “Many your-ropians were affected by the war” instead of “many Europeans.”

2. Become map-illiterate. We used to have monthly map quizzes where all we had to do was locate countries on a world map. To be map-illiterate, simply look in the opposite direction of whatever country you're searching for. Say you need to find the US—try looking in the South Pacific. Or maybe Antarctica.

3. Read like a sloth. If you’re called on to read something, read at approximately .0000000001 WPM (that’s words per minute). This not only annoys your teacher, but also sucks up class time. Yep, that one’s a DOUBLE WIN!

4. Use texting lingo on tests. My teachers are always saying to never, under any circumstances, leave an answer blank. (Unless the building is on fire. Then you should probably run.) So say you can’t remember who won the Revolutionary War—don’t leave it blank! Just stick an “IDK” in there, and BAM! Question answered!

5. Make models that are not to scale. When you have to build a model of something, like the White House, never make it realistic. It’s more fun to be creative. You could build it ant farm-sized! Or make a White House-Dog House! That also gives you that excuse you needed to get a new dog. You can’t have a White-Dog-House without a Dogbama!

6. Get all your information from war movies. Seriously, there is an overload of resources when it comes to war movies. Remember that report on WWII you haven’t done yet? The perfect opening statement: “Rafe and Danny had been friends since childhood...”

7. Answer questions with random things. That encyclopedia of pop culture references you have in your head will come in handy here. Who was the commander of the Union during the Civil War? Sponge Bob. Who killed Abraham Lincoln? Robert DeNiro.

8. Start a class discussion that will last the whole period. This may not be annoying at first, but after class the teacher will realize they just wasted a period. Try questions like “Isn’t it weird that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on the same day?” or “Could the scenario in Planet of the Apes ever really happen?”

9. “That’s not how Mrs. Smith does it!” Complain that your current teacher doesn’t teach like your old teacher did. Also stick in how much you loved him/her and frequently mention that they gave out Jolly Ranchers.

10. Speak in an accent. When you read quotes or even just from a textbook, speak in another accent. The worse your accent is, the better. If it’s too good, you may get bonus points or something. And no one wants that to happen.

"Dogbama" is our new favorite name for EVERYTHING. And these tips are hilarious. What else do you do to annoy your teachers?

Related post: 10 Ways to Annoy Your History Teacher