Hilarious Travel Stories from a Jet-setting Mankler

By Contributor

July 20, 2011

Brian is hilarious, well-traveled, and always up for an adventure—did he just become our most eligible Mankler?—Sparkitors

Traveling is awesome for a lot of reasons, but one of the best things about it is that if you've been all over the world, you always have a hilarious foreign country story to tell when an awkward silence rears its ugly head. But it's okay if you've never left your home town; I've got plenty of travel stories to share, and they're yours for the taking.

1. When I went to Egypt, I tasted a pigeon, skewered over a rotisserie for over 4 hours. On the first day back from holiday break, I told my friends this story. By the end of the week, there was a rumor circulating that I had eaten a raw duck, and I became the most well-known person in my geography class.

2. When I came back from Mont Blanc in France, I brought back a souvenir: a strain of food poisoning which left me helpless and stranded on an airplane toilet. I still remember the sound of a flushing toilet when it goes through air turbulence.

3. When I was coming home from Brazil last month, I attempted to bring back a jar of the famous Copacabana beach sand. I was halted at airport security for four hours. Apparently, drug traffickers had also tried to smuggle cocaine out of the country in a similar matter.

4. In Iguacu Falls in Argentina, I learned that cheap chartreuse plastic ponchos are not waterproof. The word "drenched" does not do my deplorable situation justice.

5. Are you allergic to pollen? Going to Japan during the cherry blossom week of April will do you no favors, as it turns out. Walking down a Japanese sidewalk shoving nasal spray way too far up your nostrils is a very funny sight—or as they say in Japanese, hijō ni orokana.

6. Have you ever surfed in the sea urchin-infested waters on the island of Guadaloupe? It is not fun, and the straps connecting your wrists to your surfboard are not reliable, either.

7. In Greece, the walk up to the ancient ruins of the Parthenon is a majestic journey, and at the peak you get a marvelous look above the city of Athens. I myself took this walk up, and found it awe-inspiring to think about the famous men who had traveled this path before me. Like those weird authors who write really long poems for us to study.

8. In Switzerland, I skied through the Alps, and the snow there is very different from the snow in my hometown in Connecticut. Just imagine Poland Spring water, frozen by the mountain air, penetrating my ski mask and running all over my face.

9. In Denmark, I walked through the world famous Lego Land Park and Hotel, marveling at the models built by millions of plastic bricks. Can you believe you can bUy these at Toys 'R Us?

So people, please travel—and if you can't travel, please spread my stories like wildfire.

Are you a master of travel? Got any funny stories to share?