8 Things You Need To Stop Doing On Facebook RIGHT NOW

Conversegirlxc wants everybody to stop being annoying butt-clowns on the internets. Here's where we start humming "The Impossible Dream."—Sparkitors

We are a generation obsessed with technology, so it only makes sense that we use computers to manage our social lives. Facebook is the most popular social networking monster out there, with hundreds of millions of users all over the world—and I believe it to be a universal truth that where there is social networking, there is a huge population of obliviously annoying people. While this can provide endless internet lolz, it can also become incredibly irritating. In light of this, let me, ever so humbly, enlighten you to the 8 things you need to stop doing on Facebook RIGHT NOW.

1. Posting fantastically rude statuses with little "<3"'s at the end: This is very similar to the "no offense" phenomena that has swept the teenage nation. Telling someone they smell like a chimp and look like the horrific love child of a bulldozer and a manatee is not okay—even if you add "no offense" at the end. Offense still taken, dude. So why should it be okay on Facebook? Getting on Facebook and seeing "Some girls are just fat and ugly. Just telling the truth. <3" really makes me want to punch society in the face.

2. Raving endlessly about your significant other: If your boyfriend just took you kayaking down the Amazon to drink magical unicorn tears and serenade you with a lute made of elf hair and you want to throw out a little "I love you, Charles! You're totes amazing!" that's just fine by me. But hearing about every little thing he does with excessive capital letters and exclamation points and hearts...Stop. Because odds are, 89% of your Facebook friends really don't care. I'm sure Charles will love to hear about how "HIS SMILE MAKES MY HEART SING ANCIENT MAYAN LOVE BALLADS AND HIS SMILE MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP RAINBOWS OF HAPPINESS AND JOY!!!!1111!!!" but I really could do without.

3. Your daily itinerary: Unless your plans are super awesome, like those mentioned above, you are wasting my precious breathing time. I hate seeing, "School, practice, work, sleep. I totes <3 my life". My plans are EXACTLY THE SAME. And 75% of the high school population would agree. We don't need to hear about yours as well.

4. Passive aggressive whining: I get on Facebook for down and dirty drama. If you're going to insult people vaguely without mentioning names, you're taking away my fun time. But seriously, everybody is tired of seeing, "Only insensitive clods steal my favorite shoes and NEVER RETURN THEM. I'm too self-confident and strong to deal with your crap. Have a nice life". On a deeper level than my own personal enjoyment, I don't think it's healthy to avoid confronting your frustrations with life. If you really want your shoes back, go smack your friend and demand them back like a (wo)MAN. Whining on Facebook will not get your problems solved.

5. Liking your own posts: Not dissimilar to high-fiving yourself in the face. You may think it gets you attention and makes you look cool, but really you just look sort of dumb.

6. Sending excessive game requests: I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY "LEGENDARY UNICORN MAFIA BATTLES OF EPICNESS." I have hit the "ignore" button 17 times in the past 2 minutes. Leave me alone.

7. Liking EVERYTHING: "Likes" are precious items. They are revered by sarcastic attention-seekers and craved by popularity-thirsty young people. But if you give away "likes" 20 times a day, everybody just stops caring about your opinion.

8. Blowing up my newsfeed: Please, for the love of cheese whiz, stop having philosophical conversations in the comments section of my statuses. I just wanted to tell Facebook about my breakfast. Not have 293,383,835,263 notifications as you discuss the complexities of how my meal choices relate back to Freudian theory and indicate whether or not I will ever truly trust a man.

Every time I see one of these, I swear to all that is good in the world that I will never get on Facebook ever again. And then I remember that Facebook is pretty much my main connection to the social community at my high school. Considering that many of us probably feel similar, let's all make life a little easier on each other and stop the madness.

WORD. What else annoys you on Facebook?

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