Imaginary Friends-Not Just for Kids.

abbyblue11 is a GENIUS. This scheme is going to change our LIVES.—Sparkitors

Two years ago, I was dumped by my boyfriend who "really liked me as a person, just not in a romantic way." Needless to say, my self esteem was bruised, and things got even worse when my best friend called me the next week to ask my permission to date my ex. And so, I did what all dejected, enraged teens do: I invented an imaginary friend, a decoy, an alibi. His name? Scott. For the past two years, if I didn't want to go to a lame party, or I needed an excuse to stay home and watch the season premier of Smallville, or I was trying to avoid revealing my crush to a bunch of girls at a sleepover, Scott was my escape. Here is the secret formula to creating your own air-tight alibi and totally believable imaginary friend.

1. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet: The name of your mystery man or women needs to be somewhat general, but not as stereotypical as Jane Doe or John Smith. On the other hand, a name like Starbucks Zathyerua isn't the best way to go, either. The perfect balance between the normal and unique is required to ensure complete believability. Try pairing a common first name with an unusual last name, preferably one that's under eight characters and easy to pronounce and spell; "Deveron" was one of my early-on options when deciding on a last name for Scott.

2. Background information: "So how do you know him?" was one of the first questions I was asked about Scott, right after "What's his last name?" For the most part, "Gosh, I can't even remember when we met" had me covered, but eventually you'll need a more detailed story. So Scott became my neighbor that lived "like a block away." I highly recommend this route. The fact that they live close by makes "hanging out last minute" easy to do, especially if you don't drive.

3. Family Ties: Everyone has a background and a family, so it may be important to establish things like "____ has three older brothers and a little sister that we watch together sometimes." For me, the family thing came into play when I was grumpy about certain people making out in front of me and needed an alternative reason to be in a not-so-stellar mood, so my reason appeared: "Scott and I were supposed to hang, but he had to bail because of this thing for his sister's wedding." I also use Scott to get out of unpleasant phone or Facebook conversations; "Scott didn't want to go to this stupid thing with his parents, so he's actually coming over right now—talk to you later!" Can you say Ba-bam!?

4. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: It's important to establish what he/she looks like, and their general personality, because people are going to ask about it. I recommend them being semi-attractive, but not a supermodel. My "Scott" was tall and thin with messy brown hair and brown eyes. I turned Scott into the stereotypical boy-next-story/sweet nerd—lovable, but not a total stud, so that none of my boyfriend-stealing friends would be saying "Can you hook a sista up?" or searching my phone for his number. (By the way, don't make a fake Facebook or phone number for your "Scott"—allow him or her to be elusive and blissfully disconnected, or else have crazy, over-protecting parents.)

5. Connect with the world around you: Use your "Scott" sparingly. Don't use him/her every day of your life, or you'll find yourself sitting at home watching every episode of Monk—it's unhealthy. Imaginary friends are all well and good, but if you find yourself living a completely imaginary life...well, lets just say it doesn't end with Cheetos. Used appropriately, imaginary friends can open doors for you. For me, "Scott" gave me the chance to go to the park and read a book, visit new churches, and go to baseball games with my little brother; "Scott" gave me my "me-time" back and actually allowed me to make new friends.

However, recent events may lead to Scott's retirement; believe it or not, I have found the perfect (maybe future bf) real replacement. But I know I 'm not the only one out there who could use a "Scott," so I hereby pass on him onto any Sparklers who need him. May he treat you well, send you flowers, and always be there when you call!

PERFECT. Will you be using Scott? Do you already have a Scott of your own? We are taking Scott and changing his name to Eugene Potato. No one will ever know he isn't real.

Related post: Ode to the Imaginary Friend