BroccoliBiatch talks about life as a lesbian. — Sparkitors
Hi there. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such short films as Help! My Wife Is a Robot, and Hey! What’s That Smell?
Just kidding. It’s Lilith again. Or Broccoli, as many of you called me, which I actually quite like. I almost like it more than my real name. Either is fine, incidentally—I live to serve, yadda yadda yadda.
I’d like to start this post by saying thank you. Thank you to all of the people who posted a comment on my first post on this subject. When I started writing that first little article I didn’t want anything more than to write about my experiences in the hopes of helping someone, somewhere. So the fact I didn’t get one bit of negative feedback, that is pretty damn special in my book.
Oh, and thank you for so thoroughly complimenting my parents. They are totally awesome and when they found out I was writing this, they politely asked if they could read it, rather than just searching for it using le Google. I said no, but maybe when I’m older and wiser I’ll say yes. Or older and less wise, as the case may be. –bites nails obsessively-
Anyway. I’ll happily write about my life and experiences until I’m blue in the face and you’re sick to death of me. Hey, I have no shame and an internet connection! What’s stopping me?
Answer: NOTHING. BRING ON THE EMBARRASSMENT.
Now that the thank-yous are out of the way, we can begin with me answering some of your comments/questions.
Re: “some Sparklers may really not like me”: I mainly feel this way because in the past I have argued very angrily on posts of this nature in defense of the LGBT+ community. Obvs, some people are gonna disagree with me and my style of argument, but it really warms the cockles of my Hell-bound heart to hear so many of you say that surprises you. Really.
Re: Me being brave for coming out: I’m not any braver than the rest of you living your lives and dealing with your feelings on a day-to-day basis. Anyone wishing they could come out but are too scared; seriously, chillax. There’s not an expiration date on LGBT+ness. You’ll be ready eventually. And the people you tell will always surprise you—more often than not, in a good way. Things get better as soon as you get out of high school and get the independence you want. I promise.
Re: religion: Thank you to the religious folk who commented with their views. You were very respectful. Which, y’know, is nice. Anyway, I don’t think religion is the only reason for anti-LGBT+ feelings. I think there are a lot of reasons. It’s all very sad, because at the end of the day, people don’t even have to support LGBT+ people. They just have to tolerate them. It’s the same thing as people not having to support every religion, but having to tolerate them. But I definitely think the religious people who do align themselves with LGBT+ issues—and in the UK, a lot of individual churches are LGBT+ positive—are wonderful examples to the rest of the religious world, and obvs I wish more people would follow their lead.
isk8jen asked: When you develop crushes, how do you know if your crush is also gay? Do you just kind of have to wait and see what their tendencies seem to be?
A: If I know for a fact someone is straight I just don’t go after them (qu’est-ce que c’est le point?). At the moment, since I’m underage in the UK for going to clubs—our age for that is 18 because that is the age for drinking/buying alcohol, but as I’m straightedge I’m just waiting to dance in a club legally, sigh—I just find other girls who like girls through friends (this sounds tragic as Hell even to me, and I’m living it), or from taking part in LGBT+ awareness campaigns/going on tumblr. Until I can get into "the scene" (which I already hate due to not being gay enough—another story for another day), my crushes are kind of limited.
Alicecullen4ever!!! asked: corn god... lesbian witches... whaaaaaa? do i even want to know?
A: Honestly, I’m surprised more people didn’t ask about that little reference. It was while my mum was at university doing her art degree, and my dad was working in a steel factory. Being at art school, you’ll meet all sorts of people, and my mum was friends with a "coven" of lesbian witches. I am under the impression copious amounts of alcohol were involved in this anecdote, but for whichever reason, the witches were carrying out some form of ritual symbolic sacrifice to a Corn God, and they needed a stand in. Being the fine upstanding freedom fighter he is, my father happily donned a corn garland (I know, I know) and took part in the ritual. I have no idea what the point of this was, or if anything ever came of it, but my dad is to this day very proud of his Corn God credentials. He may have told me "It’s just how I roll."
I like answering questions so keep ‘em coming! As previously mentioned, abuse my lack of shame! Also, for the record, I accept any and all Sparkfriend requests. Jus’ sayin’, hit me up, yo.
Anyway. For this second article, I wanted to make sure I wrote about something really excellent. Not necessarily funny—because heck, being gay is not all fun and games, it is serious business; apparently we have a mafia—but something which you guys would value reading about. I was torn for a long time between two different stories, equally difficult to phrase in a non-preachy, non-GAY AGENDA way (because we can’t forget that I obviously have one of those, OBVIOUSLY).
But as so many of you wished me luck with my crush, I suppose I’ll talk about her. You all seemed pretty interested.
The story goes pretty much how every stereotypical chick flick movie goes, save for a little change in the sex of the characters. Girl #1 meets Girl #2. Girl #1 likes Girl #2. Girl #1 doesn’t believe she stands a chance with Girl #2. With me so far? In case you’re lost, let’s presume I’m Girl #1, because, well, yaknow, I’M NUMBA 1.
When I last wrote you guys, I didn’t think I stood much of a chance, to be honest. But since then, a surprising amount has changed. DUN DUN DUNNN. –cue the thunder and lightning-
My crush and I admitted our feelings for each other and gone out on what could be considered a wonderful dinner date. We also went to a Pride march together, but that’s a story for another day. There were a lot of fake deaths involved, and a 10-minute stand-off with some anti-gay Christians.
I’m sure you’re thinking that everything is peachy keen, right? All gravy? Totally righteous?!
(Also, what do gay donkeys eat? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY. See, what I’m doing here is putting random jokes in to balance out the dreadfully serious tone of this post.)
What a lot of people forget is that everyone reacts to coming out differently. For some people, they do it and then they get back on with their life and excel as the person they are. That is what happened in the case of my crush, who has been out for about 15 months now.
(As a side note, I am craving brownies. OH LAWWWD MAKE IT STOP.)
I may appear self-assured and comfortable, but at the time of writing, I have only been out for 3 months. THREE. MONTHS. I couldn’t believe it myself when I realized the other day. I mean J Creezy, that is a pretty short time, and since then I’ve kinda thrown myself full-force into the scene and everything that entails.
Point and case: my spilling the intimate details of my personal life in an online series, using my real name, and telling my real-life friends about it. See also: no shame. One day, that will bite me in the derrière.
Homotip: relax. Everything will work itself out, given time and patience. Everyone is different and everyone is affected by their coming out in a different way. Cut yourself some slack.
This is advice I should have been telling myself all this time, if I’m honest with you (WHICH I MAKE A POINT TO BE). So much has changed since I came out and I like to think I’ve taken it in stride, but really, I’m still figuring out the kinks in my identity. And I’d say that actually, we never really figure it out; we just reach points of equilibrium periodically in life.
This is my chance to really be who I wanted to be from the beginning and I wanna be true to that, and to do that I can’t drag my crush around while I’m figuring out how I fit into my community, acting like I’m some big lesbian warrior when actually I’m still going through basic training.
It’s a hard thing to come to terms with. Not a lack of brownies (although…), the whole lesbian thing. I’m fine with it, and I know my being gay isn’t something wrong or disgusting; despite what some might say. My family and friends are the most supportive I could ever have, and I’m very thankful (believe me!). It’s just an odd thing, to have to get used to the idea most of the world hates you for something you didn’t choose. And I dunno if a lot of people appreciate that, no matter their opinions on "the gays."
As for my crush, well, she seemed understanding, which is the best I could have hoped for. She really is incredible to be so wonderful. Homotip from her: stop thinking of "the gay thing" and you as being separate. They aren’t and they never will be. That is as big a part of you as the clothes you dress yourself in or the music you listen to every day.
It kinda sucks when you have to put the brakes on something you’ve wanted for so long purely because you’ve realized you can’t handle it right now. This whole identity crisis thanggg is getting pretty old, y’know? Kinda wanna be getting on with my life now.
I hope she’ll still like me when I’m ready to date. I wouldn’t want her to wait, and I told her so. But I also told her, “If you’re still interested in me when I’m ready for you, then give me a call.”
I think I need a new pair of Confidence Pants, guys. I think that last bit killed the old pair dead. Can you buy them online, or…? eBay, maybe?
What part of Lilith's life do you want to hear about next?
Related Post: I'm a Lesbian, and I'm Just Like You
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