Everybody Looks Better in a Cowboy Hat
TanTan is back with the newest installment of his brand new column—and ya'll better saddle up, 'cuz it's gonna be a bumpy ride.—Sparkitors
Yeehaw! Giddyup all you cowboys and cowgirls, it’s time for the rodeo!
Okay, maybe not, but I needed a snazzy sentence to introduce my topic: cowfolk. No, not people who are half-cow, half-human (sounds like a new summer blockbuster!) but good ol’, red-blooded, American country people. I spent the last four days down in Utah and let me tell you, I have never seen so many cowboy hats and boots in one place in my entire life. As I sat at my family reunion wondering how many bales of hay were used to make so many hats, I was overwhelmed by the sheer awesomeness of cowfolk. Note to the guys: I saw more ladies swooning over the Wrangler-clad fellows than they ever have over any amount of sparkly vampires. Let me give you a list as to why being a cowboy definitely has its upside—not only when it comes to wrestling 200-pound beasts to the ground, but also when you want to impress the ladies.
1. No true cowboy ever runs out of stories to tell. Whether it be the time a horse nearly crushed your skull or those cool summer nights when you’d roast marshmallows with your family, I don’t think I’ve ever met a cowboy who hasn’t had a story or two under his belt. Here's one that my grandpa shared with me: he raises horses, and one time one of them was giving birth, but the foal wasn’t coming out the right way. He had to reach into the female horses...um...we’ll call it “baby bag” for the children’s sake. Anyway, he reaches into the baby bag up to his shoulder (without gloves, may I add) and sets the foal straight! How insane is that? The same man who made me eggs two days ago also had his hand in the...wait, never mind, I don’t want to think about that. That’s not the end of it, though: while he’s shoulder deep in horse insides, the horse starts having contractions. And apparently there’s a lot of muscle in that area of the horse, so my grandpa has got his arm in the baby bag and is screaming bloody murder! I mean, come on, is that not the best story you’ve ever heard? So, yeah, like I said, cowboys always have entertaining stories to share—and if you've got a few humorous gems to tell the ladies (try to leave female horse birthing out of it), you'll never run out of conversation starters.
2. Downright nicest people ever. Although they can be intimidating in their boots, jeans, and flannel, once you get past the “I will snap your neck in a heartbeat” exterior, most cowfolk are friendly and awesome. I went to a rodeo while in Utah and everyone around me was just having a blast. They were taking to their neighbors, laughing, and enjoying themselves even though they had only met moments ago. Try to adopt their attitude; even if you're the new guy in town or don't know anyone at a party, put on a smile, crack friendly jokes with strangers, and in no time flat you'll have a posse full of admirers.
3. Go big or go home. As I said before, I went to a rodeo, and holy smokes, was that place buzzin’ with excitement. It seems like no matter where you go in a cowfolk town or city, nothing is ever done on a small scale. There’s always lights, loud music, amazing food, and everything that is necessary in order to make me feel as though the life of a cowboy is a party everyday. Being a cowboy is definitely not boring, that’s for sure. I'm not sure how you can use "go big or go home" when it comes to girls, but showing off your talents in a cool, un-flashy way seems like a good place to start.
4. Once a cowboy, always a cowboy. My family has been living out of cowboy territory for about twenty years or so, but when we stepped foot back in Utah I could almost see the cowboy blood start pumping into my father’s veins. One moment he was dressed in his normal clothes and then all the sudden he had cowboy boots on. The next second his shirt was tucked in and his belt was stickin’ out in the good ol’ cowboy style. I turned back around and BAM, on his head was a cowboy hat. Once that mountain air, the farm atmosphere, and the smell of horse dung surrounded him he went back into cowboy mode. Cowboys just have a way about them; they're confident, easy-going, and ready for anything—and those are all qualities that girls definitely don't mind in a guy.
In the end, being a cowboy or cowgirl is pretty awesome. BUT (advice for EVERYONE!) don’t pretend to be one if it isn’t your thing. That’s pretty much the worst idea; to fake who you are to impress someone. If you haven’t tried strappin’ on a pair of cowboy boots, sticking a piece of hay in your mouth, and saying “ya'll,” then go ahead and do it, but if you don’t like it, then give it up. There’s plenty of other things that interest ladies—everybody's got different taste. But, I do have to say, we all look dang sexier when riding a horse.
Seems like even the royals are taking Tanner's advice; check out William and Kate all dolled up western-style! What do you think of cowboys—hot or not?
Related post: How To Impress Girls and Stuff Like That