How To Entertain Small Children Using Deception and Foot-races
Flyergirl13 is much better at hanging out with little kids than we are; we usually just give them 23 Red Bulls and lock them in the bathroom. And yes, there are several pending lawsuits.—Sparkitors
I spent a week in The Middle Of Nowhere, NY, where there are more Amish buggies than cars, at a place called Black Lake. Ha! I just realized that the Amish will never see anything I say here. This feeling of power is making me dizzy.
Anyway, it was a family vacation. And when I say family, I mean FAMILY. I don't have a huge family, but it's decent-sized and we rented out half the cabins at one spot on the lake. Included in this family trip were 6 kids under 6 years old—and entertaining them fell to me and my sister. If you've ever had to corral a pack of rabid wildebeests, then you understand that it wasn't an easy feat—but I picked up a few helpful tips.
Step One: Distraction. Little kids are so easily distracted. "Look, a distraction!" I like bananas. I guess Sparklers are, too.
DO: Help them forget things. Like, if they bump their head, distract them by saying "Yay! Now I can steal your swing!" and run off. They will most likely giggle and run after you.
DON'T: Use the aforementioned distraction if the injury is actually serious. If they broke a leg, don't leave them laying there whilst running off to take their swing. Not a good plan.
Step Two: Be Ridiculous. Kids are crazy. They giggle at the most random things. Say or do something stupid and they'll laugh for hours.
DO: Suggest things they know are silly, like "Maybe we should throw you in the lake! Then we'll catch all the fish!"
DON'T: Say things they might take seriously, like "It'll be super fun if we jump out of this really tall tree!"
Step Three: Exploit Their Energy. Have you noticed that little kids are NEVER tired? It's awful. But you can use their energy to your advantage.
DO: Your mom just asked you to grab her sunglasses from the cabin? Never fear! Just yell "EVERYBODY RACE TO THE CABIN! Whoever grabs the sunglasses first gets to run 14 laps around the lake!" The little terrors will take off, complete your chore for you, and hopefully tire themselves out in the process.
DON'T: Use this technique for chores that kids are incapable of doing. If you're asked to carry a heavy cooler inside, don't ask a 6-year-old to pick up your slack, or you may discover a squished kid underneath a large cooler.
Step Four: Live Through Them. Miss being a little kid? Me too! But now that you have kids on your side, you can do anything!
DO: Get in touch with your inner kid. Climb trees, roll down grassy hills. If the adults make fun of you, simply say that the kids wanted to.
DON'T: Do this too much, or the grown-ups might catch on. Then they'll make you sit at the kiddie table, where everyone has to eat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. On second thought, that actually sounds pretty good...
Do you have any tips for taking care of tiny, furious toddlers?
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