What Your Underwear Says About You
Has anyone besides your mama asked you what you've got going on under your skirt? GOOD, because that’s a weird question. While not everyone talks out loud about the kind of underwear they rock, it’s something that’s interesting and revealing—even if you prefer the go-to grandma panty. It’s time to find out what your underwear says about you. (If a stranger tries that line on you, call the police!)
Grandma panty. You appreciate all things sensible. You wear SPF 50. You’ve never gotten a speeding ticket. You’d never get on motorcycle. You have a routine mapped out and COLOR CODED on your calendar—and it’s freaking summertime.
Hey, somebody has to be a practical person, and you, clad in the underwear your grandma used to wear before Victoria’s Secret was founded, are the ultimate sane and smart woman. You are WAY ahead of your time! If you’re wearing grandma panties when you’re 16, we wonder what you’ll be wearing in 16 more years. Whatever it is, we know it will be comfortable—you’re too levelheaded and rational to wear anything else.
Free bird. So you like to keep things easy and breezy….down there, too. Wow, that’s admirable—and you are the type of independent spirit envied by neurotic people who wear Spanx. You like to put everything—and we mean everything—out there. You don’t see what wrong with talking about religion, politics, the tingly feeling you get when you hang out with your brother’s girlfriend, or your opinions on dry humping. Can you even DH if you don’t like wearing underwear? If so, please tell us, since you are SO open about everything! In all seriousness, don’t change your refreshing, open personality; just make sure nobody gets a peak at what you’re packing.
Thong. Odds are if you wear thongs you HATE underwear lines AND don’t mind enduring pain. After you wear a thong for a few hours, doesn’t it start to bug you? If not, you are the type of person who doesn’t get irritated easily—you can listen to club house music for hours, wondering at its beauty and spastic beats while everyone else considers shooting their own ears off. People like you don’t mind getting a second degree burn while tanning—after all, it will eventually fade from tomato red to a lovely brown, right?
Boy shorts. You are a classic combination of sporty and sexy—kind of like if Kate Middleton and Venus Williams made a baby, but less weird! You can play volleyball in a bikini and still let the guys at the beach know who dominates at the game of LIFE. You can eat a hamburger in two bites and belch while wearing a cute sundress on a date, and get asked out again, again and again. You’re the type of girl who has solid calves from doing 7-minute miles each morning. The more we think about you, the more we hate you, because we’re so totally jealous. We’re not sure if we want to kill you or ask you on a date. It’s all very confusing; nonetheless we’d love to take you on in a game of pick-up basketball.
We know there are so many types of underwear that went ignored. Let us know what's in your underwear drawer and wax philosophical about what that means about your personality below!
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