Ways To Approach Your Crush (That Will Backfire)
For every creative way to approach your crush, there are at least ten ways for you to wind up with egg on your face (often literally, if you make your approach during breakfast, or inside a chicken coop). The lesson here is that you should never approach anybody about anything. Or, if you'd prefer, the lesson is that you're better off approaching your crush like a normal person, and leaving the intrigue and artifice to romantic comedies.
Secretive, Puzzling Notes
Planned Approach: You leave your crush a series of bewildering notes, all supplying vague hints that somebody likes him. Your crush, who it turns out is also a detective, cracks the code behind your romantic treasure hunt, discovering the treasure, which is you! Hooray! He is overjoyed and then you get married.
Actual Result: You leave your crush a series of bewildering notes and he is bewildered. Later, he goes to sleep.
Planned Approach: Believing that women find corny lines endearing, you inspect the tag on the back of your crush's shirt. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Just checking to see if you were made in Heaven," you respond, smarmily, but in a way that is also very adorable. This works for some reason.
Actual Result: Your crush detects something moving int he back of her shirt. "AUGH, A BEE!" she shrieks, and in her flailing confusion she jabs you in the eye. "Owww are you made in heaven," you manage, clutching your wounded eye. Suspecting that you are a crazy person, your crush calls the police.
Planned Approach: That's it. You're tired of waffling over whether or not to approach your crush, or how, or when. You're just going to march right up there and say hi, right now. You do. Ten years later, relaxing together in your Tuscan villa, you both reminisce over how brave and confident you were. It is nice.
Actual Result: You march right up to your crush. "HELLO!" you demand, confidently. "Er... hi," he replies.
Your mind becomes an absolute blank.
Nothing whatsoever happens.
OMG what was I going to say, you think frantically. Something about... waffles? No, that wasn't it. But boy, I could go for some waffles. Maybe I should ask my crush if he likes waffles also. They are a good thing to like. Meanwhile it is midnight, and you have been standing motionless for nine hours.
Acting Like One Of The Guys
Planned Approach: You insinuate yourself into your crush's group of friends, demonstrating that you like the stuff he likes, instead of, you know, chick stuff. He is so shocked he knows a girl who can play video games that he takes off his shirt in surprise. Then you make out.
Actual Result: Your introduction—"SUP MY BRO DUDES, LET'S ENJOY WATCHING FOOTBALL AND BEING MALE"—is all too effective. It occurs to you one day, as your crush is calling you "man" and confiding in you about the mean and horrible girl he has decided to date out of boredom, that he might think of you as just a friend.
Planned Approach: Bluh! Your crush is across the room, making eye contact with you while you eat! Better eat this cheeseburger as seductively as possible, like in the movies.
What do you think are the best and worst ways to approach a crush?
Related Post: Creative Ways to Tell Your Crush How You Feel