Jetpacks and Hedge-Pigs

strangeNilikeit is blogging her summer at Shakespeare Camp. Arthur is her guy BFF, but could he be more?  —Sparkitors

Sparklers, by the time you read this, I’ll be at camp.

Imagine that you’re 5 years old. Then imagine that tomorrow is Christmas/your birthday/Hanukah/any and all holidays you celebrate.

Now calm down and stop bouncing off the wall.

That is how I feel right now.
After thinking about it for a while (and talking to Arthur until the phone was burning hot and covered in Dagger-like amounts of cheek/ear sweat), I’ve decided that which character I play is immaterial: Shakespeare Camp is still Shakespeare Camp, and it, not Disney World, is the happiest place on earth. For reals. Come join us if you don’t believe me. We may or may not still have second session (end-of-the-summer) spaces left, and of course there’s the winter show.

Today was the first day of camp. I missed the first half because I was taking my history final. When I finally arrived, I was greeted by earsplitting shrieks of  “GWENNNNN!” and a veritable hailstorm of hugs. Then we got right down to business.

First, we had voice class, which consisted of yelling Shakespearean insults at each other across a large expanse of grass. My favorites? “Thou rabbit-sucker” and “thou greasy, ill-composed hedge-pig!”

For those of you who don’t know, a hedge-pig is a baby hedgehog. Congrats. You just learned something—during the summer. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Next, me and my girlfriends Sunny, and Serenity (who plays the nurse) went off with Genie to practice Act I, scene iii, the one where I (Juliet's mother) tell Juliet to marry Paris because he’s rich and attractive. The others went off with our illustrious assistant directors to hit each other with sticks (which is Shakespeare Camp-ese for “practice the fight scene”).

While we read through the script, I made some interesting discoveries. First, that Lady Capulet is far more messed up and three-dimensional than even I anticipated, and second, that I have the best cast ever. What started out as Serious Scholarly Shakespearean Text Analysis soon dissolved into Gigglicious Girl Time. And somehow, we still got through the entire scene.

Last came improvisation, which involved pineapple-shaped codpieces, penguin musicians, and Narnian burger-flippers. (Tina Fey would have been proud.) We practiced improv because tomorrow is Evaluation Day, which is when official people with clipboards come evaluate our improv skills and then watch us take turns performing the monologues I haven’t memorized.

I’m very good at not memorizing things. Last year, I memorized my audition monologue an hour before the audition. This year I memorized it in the car on the way to the audition. I realize that this sounds impressive, but I’m not proud. In fact, just this once I think I’ll change my profligate procrastinating ways. All right, Sparklers, I’m off to memorize me some Shakespeare.

P.S. Talking to Arthur is fun. I should really do it more often. We spent a lot of time discussing how Romeo and Juliet would be different if all of the characters had jet packs. Here is my take on it:

Romeo and Juliet With Jetpacks

Juliet: How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb!
Romeo: With my jetpack did I o’er-perch these walls! For stony limits cannot hold jetpacks out.
Juliet: If my kinsmen see thee, they will murder thee.
Romeo: I have night’s cloak to hide me from their eyes, and besides, it’s not like they could catch up to me on this baby.  It’s got, like, twenty skazillion horsepower.
Juliet: True dat.

Do Gwen and Arthur sound like more than friends?

Related Posts: Blogging Shakespeare Camp