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Don't Accept Gauche Dates

Don't Accept Gauche Dates

By Contributor

Scott-Free blogs one dating rule from the book THE RULES each week. Today he's not too happy with the book's phone-related advice. —Sparkitors

This post is dedicated to the word "gauche" (GOHsh). Gauche is a word meaning tacky or crude. However, in my hometown of Bend, OR, it is sweeping the streets in all versions of the word—noun, verb, adjective. “Oh gauche!” “Shut up or I’ll gaucheslap you!” “Look! It’s a flock of gauchen!”

This is me being gauche.

This week’s rule is super gauche.

Rule #7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date After a Wednesday. “The man who eventually wants to marry you will not wait until the last minute to ask you out for a date. On the contrary, he is kind, considerate, thoughtful and also afraid that if he doesn’t pin you down five days in advance, he may not see you for another week.”

I feel torn over this rule. Almost as torn as over whether or not The Iron Giant is actually an allegory for Jesus. (Think about it. He comes to earth from another world, he’s misunderstood by the government, he sacrifices himself for the people, and in the end he rises from the dead!)

On the one hand, it’s good to be considerate of your significant other and let her know ahead of time—and it’s just common sense as well. On the other hand, should you force your significant other to be considerate? On the third hand (I’m a three-armed alien from the planet of Unforeseen Noogies), sometimes spontaneity is fun!

But to the Dating Church of authors E-Fein and Shusher, calling less than five days ahead is a cardinal sin. They automatically treat you as if you should be hurt when your man-friend calls you last-minute for a date.

“Again, men are not trying to hurt you when they call at the last minute. Don’t be offended, just train them to call earlier without actually demanding it of them.”

Train them? Oh gauche. Are men your pets now, E-Fein and Shusher? I can just see how men call you ladies for dates.

Mr. Right: Hey Ellen, I’d like to see you Friday.

E-Fein: No! It’s ten after seven o’clock on Monday! You should’ve called ten minutes ago. Then I would’ve considered it.

Mr. Right: Um. Saturday then?

E-Fein: Depends. Are you wearing your purple striped Dating Request Tie?

Mr. Right: I’m wearing my Deep Conversation Bowtie. Is that close enough?

E-Fein: No! Why would you even ask that, you badly-dressed idiot?

Mr. Right: I’m sorry. I’m wearing my Apology Underwear, wetted with my tears—will you forgive me?

E-Fein: Yes, but I’m still not meeting you on Saturday.

Of course, Shusher is probably much more organized in her training. She probably even has a Boyfriend Bootcamp.

Shusher: Alright, you slobs, line up! Chins out! Breath fresh! Aftershave applied? Good! Now! It’s Thursday! What do you say?

Men: Can I take you out on Monday night, my beautiful bird of paradise?

Shusher: SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

Is it good to be considerate? Yes! And you should expect them to be as well. But making a rule of it is silly, and could earn you an unforeseen noogie in some parts of the galaxy.

Verdict on Rule #7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date After a Wednesday: Hmaybe. Because he should be considerate, but you can’t force him to. And spontaneity is fun!

Nehs: 3
Hmaybes: 2
Yehs: 2

Scott-Free’s Dating Tip of the Week: If you go to her house for dinner with her family, always bring flowers. Never bring poop in your lower intestine. There’s nothing worse than clogging her family’s toilet.

What do you think of the 5-day rule?

Related Posts: Blogging The Rules

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Topics: Books
Tags: sparkler posts, dating, blogging the rules, phone conversations, mankler posts

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