How To Deal With an Obsessive Crush

Whales and jails and deep, crush-y tales, from WeDidntStartTheFire! —Sparkitors

Everyone has crushes. Everyone, at one point in their life, will be physically attracted to something. These levels of attraction vary however. Usually, it’s an “Oh, you’d make a good mating specimen” type crush. Sometimes, though, it’s an obsession.

Obsessive crushes are simple: It’s when you’re attracted to someone for a long period of time, with no end in sight. You memorize your crush’s schedule, know where he lives, and melt when you see his perfect face. I consider myself a kind of expert on this type of crush, as I’ve had at least three in the past five years. Dealing with this crush is difficult, and way taxing on your self-esteem. So here’s how to deal:

Step One: Figure out why you like your crush. Whether it be his face, body, hair, eyes, or plushie whale collection, there is some reason that you like this crush so dang much.

Step Two: List all of your crush’s flaws. When you’re crushing on someone, especially for a long period of time, you tend to put them on a pedestal. You feel that they’re above you and everyone else, and that they can have no flaws. So, when you list all of their flaws, you then realize that they’re not perfect. Who wants to suffer through a smelly, annoying, bratty, arrogant person just for Wiggles the Whale? No one, that’s who! This step is easiest when with a friend. They can sometimes see flaws that you cannot.

Step Three: Actually get over the crush. This step is the hardest, and often takes longer than the rest. It took me three years to get over a crush. This step often involves Lifetime movies and ice cream. Other people will confuse it with a break-up. In a way, it is a kind of break-up. The other person just doesn’t know about it, which isn’t creepy at all. This is a deeply personal step.

Step Four: Staying over the crush. Falling back in with a crush is ridiculously simple, and believe me, it’s not a road you want to go down. Just stay away from your crush’s classes, don’t look into his eyes, and do NOT touch the whales. Also, don’t burn down his house. This is a bad reaction, no matter how much of a jerk your crush was to you, and you will go to jail. Jail is not a fun time, and there are no whales there. To do this, I just think of how better of I am without my crush.

Step Five: Dance. In the rain. At night. While it’s thundering. It’s fun, and dancing cures broken hearts. Getting over a crush will break your heart. So just dance like no one is watching, and you’ll be cured in no time! (Or, if you don’t like to dance, sing or play softball or whatever it is you like to do. Just keep your mind of The Crush.)

Following these five steps should get you completely over an obsessive crush. There’s no telling how long it will take (like I said, it took me years), but it’s worth it in the end. Good luck on your journey. May there be many more whales to come.

What do you do to get over a crush?

Related Post: How to Get Your Crush Out of Your Head