How To Get Guys: Advice From A Mankler!

TanTanTheLadiesMan is quickly becoming our go-to source for all things Mankler-related!—Sparkitors

Although my expertise in this area is limited, my lady friends have been asking for it (practically mauling me at every street corner), and true to my name, I can’t deny them what they so desperately desire (no, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about this post).

First off, you need to know that this post won't tell you how to attract some scuzzbag who looks like he hasn’t showered or shaved since the moment he found out he could grow facial hair. It will tell you how to get those honest, decent, young guys (which actually exist, contrary to popular belief) who treat you with respect and dignity and don’t walk all over you in order to get what they want.  So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the list, shall we?

1.  Don’t throw yourselves at us. Seriously, we have a hard enough time figuring out what cereal we should have in the morning (so many choices!), let alone how to react when we’re bombarded by you.  It doesn’t matter if we have feelings for you or not, if we’re sitting around just enjoying a good ol’ sack of cold french fries (who doesn’t?) and you COMPLETELY overwhelm us with your presence (your voice, your laugh, your smell...yes, we do notice your oh-so-tantalizing scents) we will shut down. Our brain will be screaming, “GIRL! FRIES!  GREASY HANDS! PRETTY SMELLING GIRL! ELEPHANTS!?” which may or may not result in convulsions and a temporary stay at the hospital.  If that doesn’t happen, then we’re at least going to act a little odd  (or at least odder than we normally do). Please, just confront us like you would anyone else (except maybe your dog...that could get a little weird).  Let us slowly acclimate to your presence so we can act somewhat normal instead of a deer in the headlights.

2. Don’t...reveal too much. Unlike the aforementioned scuzzbags, us decent guys don’t care so much about appearances. There’s no need for you to wear minimal amounts of clothing in order to get our attention. In fact, it makes things a little awkward. It’s hard to hold a conversation with a lady, but attempting to look her in the eyes when the Gaping Black Hole of Cleavage (excuse my language, mother) hangs in our peripherals is almost impossible. Along with not revealing too much physically, please don’t reveal too much emotionally. At least not too early in the relationship. Many conversations with ladies tend to go like this:

Me: Hi, what’s your name?
Girl: I’m Girl, nice to meet you. I have two dogs and one cat, but my dad doesn’t like my cat (his name is Fluffikinz). I think it’s because he hates me, and he’s never really loved me. What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t my dad love me, and why do I feel like Fluffikinz was the worst possible cat name ever?
Me: Uhhhhh.... *face explodes from information overload*

Although we are capable of talking about and showing emotions, it’s best done when you’ve known us for longer than .5 seconds.

3. Truly and honestly just be yourself. No matter what MTV may portray, not all of us are into scantily-clad, dungfaced (in attitude), drama queens. Scuzzbags may be, but not us decent guys. Here’s the thing: Just like you ladies get the reputation of needing to be skinny, caked in make-up, loud, and popular (thanks to TV), us guys get the reputation of being perverted, sex-driven lunatics who don’t care about anyone else except the stereotypical lady. This may be true for the 3% of our gender, but it definitely doesn't apply to the rest of us. So, please, instead of trying to fit “the mold” (which repulses most of us decent guys; posers displease us), just be yourself. Be your wacky, funny, modestly-clad, emotionally stable, oh-so-delicious smelling selves, and I promise you, sooner or later, the scuzzbags will leave you alone and you’ll find a decent guy who likes you for you.

Tan, that is some seriously good advice. Do you guys agree?

Related post: The Mankler's Solution to Summer Boredom? GIRLS.