kelmariell takes on the glitter monster. We're terrified.—Sparkitors
Song: Crazy Beautiful Life
“Crazy Life in Which the Minority of My Time is Spent Sober” would be a more accurate name for this increasingly catchy Ke$ha song. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate Ke$ha as much as the next person, and I am slightly embarrassed to admit how many of her songs are on my 25 Top Played iTunes playlist. However, “beautiful” doesn’t seem to be the best adjective to describe the life Ke$ha sings about.
Maybe she neglected to mention the surplus of male swimsuit models she sees on a daily basis or is simply sadly unaware of the existence of thesaurus.com. Or maybe I’m unfamiliar with this growing trend of calling seemingly ordinary objects beautiful. For example, on a recent road-trip through rural New Jersey, my friend Kat excitedly pointed out the window, exclaiming, “It’s so… beautiful!” I turned to see what she was pointing at; expecting to see Hogwarts castle or at least a rainbow unicorn, so I was disappointed to see the object of her affectionate outcry was only a brown cow.
Since that experience, whenever I’m with Kat and I see a hamburger I can’t resist crying out, “It’s so… beautiful!”, but that’s beside the point. If we move past this poor adjective choice, Ke$ha continues to sing about her friends "all pretty and plastered," which gives me the image of a Ke$ha & Friend Barbie doll set—let’s hope the Mattel Company doesn’t get any ideas. I can only imagine what a five-year-old playing with a Ke$ha Barbie will grow up to be like. Then Ke$ha sings about “waking up on a different couch.” This is a pretty obvious implication (a bunch of one night stands)—unless Ke$ha and her friends are big fans of playing “musical couches,” in which case I am quite jealous. So after her intense games of musical couches, Ke$ha sings on with the usual schpeel about “livin’ the life” and “d-bag guys.” Then she mentions “trading all the wasted times.” In my opinion, wasted time equates to chemistry class, but I’m going to take a wild guess that Ke$ha’s wasted times equate to “time-spent-under-the-influence-of-an-alcoholic-beverage.” I wonder how valuable Ke$ha’s hours pent partying are worth as a bartering item.
Kesha: I’ll trade you one hour of alcoholic intoxication for your Charizard Pokemon card!
Sassy Five-Year-Old: Hell no! But I’ll give you Psyduck if you give me a Ke$ha Barbie and convince my mom she’s too old to be singing your songs.
After singing about “sketchy phases” Ke$ha says, “I got here by runnin' my mouth.” Maybe Ke$ha is a little confused, because I’m preeeettty sure she got to iTunes top ten for her constantly-stuck-in-my-head beats and the mystery of 2009: the pronunciation of her name (Key-sha? Keh-sha? Key-dollar-sign-ha?). But the rest of her song offers neither the insight to the pronunciation of her name, nor the epic-ness of her musical couch games, so we are only left with hope that her next song might be titled “Crazy (But Not Beautiful) Musical Couch Tournaments.”
What do you think: is Ke$ha an under-appreciated lyrical poet, or did kel hit the nail on the glittery head?
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Photo credit: Martin Lehmann / Shutterstock.com