The Mankler's Solution to Summer Boredom? GIRLS.

By Contributor

June 7, 2011

TanTanTheLadiesMan lives up to his name; here's how to get a girl's attention! (Sparklers, we'll need you to check for accuracy.)—Sparkitors

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m already bored of summer...and it’s only the first day. Now, my mom says it’s because I spent all day eating cheese puffs and licking fun dip powder off of my fingers, but I don’t think so. I think it comes down to the fact that I spent the majority of the day sitting in front of my computer, clicking the Facebook notification button every twenty seconds to see if anyone (please, anyone!) commented, tagged, or updated anything even remotely related to me. When it got to the point of major creeping (again, pretty girl whose Facebook picture I edited myself into...I’m sorry and I would really appreciate it if you dropped the restraining order), I realized that I needed something to cure my summer boredom. And you know what it is? Ladies.

You may be thinking, “Yeah, right! This guy isn't gonna get a girl! Uhhhh uhhh, no way in schmeck!” But I’m here to tell you different. I can get a girl— and you can too. Here’s how.

1. Ummmm....get a life. No matter how hard you work at making your internet self as amazing and attractive as possible (which, no matter how much effort my brother expends, will get him nowhere), if you don’t have a life, if you aren’t involved in anything outside of the digital realm, then the closest thing to a lady you’ll get is a 2-D image (which is less intimidating than a real lady, but has a flat personality...haha, get it?). So, even if the outside burns your skin and stings your eyes, you need to somehow integrate yourself into society (preferably while avoiding prison). Because here's the bottom line: the ladies (whether athletic or bookish) take interest in a man who’s...well, interesting and involved.

2. Post witty and funny Facebook statuses. The Law of Averages states that the more you do something, the better you get at it. So, the more entertaining Facebook statuses (or Tweets, or shout-outs from the rooftops, or whatever your mode of communication to the world is) you post, the more entertaining they will become, and the more people will comment on them. Now, if you’re one of those people whose wittiness and creativity ends at “A square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t necessarily a square,” don’t worry about it. Unlike English teachers, the internet doesn’t care if you use other peoples’ work to get attention. If you can’t think of anything to post, then find a funny quote or witty phrase and use that (with appropriate citation to the creator, of course. We can’t be breakin’ no laws). When the ladies read your status, they’ll swoon at your creativity (or ability to find things on Google) and want to get to know you better (or at least drop the restraining order, hopefully).

3. Carry Band-Aids. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, okay? This isn’t like your buddy’s, “Dude, dude, you have to try jumping off the roof. It’s AWESOME!!” this is something you should actually try because, unlike your friend’s suggestion, if this goes wrong, you won’t end up in the hospital. Here’s how it works: a poor maiden will get a cut and cry out, “Please! Does anyone have a band-aid!” and you, being so smooth and sly, will whip one out and aid the damsel in distress. This automatically gets you an introduction, a conversation, and you get style points for snatching her out of the jaws of death.

The best thing about this is that, although the first two suggestions may fail and fail again, all you have to do is plant small, sharp objects around the room, and eventually the third will work. So go out and snatch you some lady-attention, my friends, and let a thrilling summer begin!

Whaddaya think, Sparklers? Is this sound advice for all the Manklers out there? And Manklers, are you gonna give these tips a shot?