Emily: MTV MOVIE AWARDS!
Chelsea: I was trying to type a Robert Pattinson joke but it was too hard.
Emma: I'm old.
Emily: WAS THAT THE JOKE?
Emma: I don't know who in tarnation any of these kids are.
Chelsea: THAT WAS IT. THANKS, EMMA.
Emily: Me neither.
Chelsea: I know three of them! I'm officially the coolest Sparkitor. Y'all are jive cats!
Emily: Who's got a good slideshow link?
Emma: Crystal Reed and Holland Roden glam up the red carpet. WHO??
Here's a slideshow. It's interminable, though.
Chelsea: Holland Roden isn't a name, it's a car dealership.
Was that a joke? I tried to make it a joke.
Emily: Justin Bieber looks like a Midwestern lesbian politician.
Emma: That blue blazer does nothing for him.
Chelsea: The other Justin looks worse. This picture makes my moral sensibilities hurt.
Emily: I am so happy Emma Stone dyed her hair back!
Chelsea: Me too! I lurve her. GIRL CRUSH.
Emma: Anyone who can be a redhead should be one. I have something mean to say: I think Emma Watson peaked last year. It's all downhill now. Her head's getting smaller. Something's off.
Chelsea: NOOOOOOOO. False. I will defend Hermione to the grisly, grisly death.
Emily: I'm not feeling her hair.
Chelsea: She is pulling off Justin Bieber's haircut with verve!
Chelsea: She has to grow it out. IT'S AWKWARD. Give the girl a minute. Actually, her hair looks pretty terrible there. IT'S OKAY, EMMA WATSON. I STILL LOVE YOU.
Emily: Dude, she's a harryaire. She can get million dollar extensions with the wave of her wand.
Chelsea: That's true. I read somewhere that she has 30 million dollars. 30 MILLION. Can you imagine? If I had 30 million dollars, I would also have 30 million cupcake cars.
Emma: Speaking of mullets...
Emily: Is this Crystal or Holland? Or is it one woman, two names? I have never seen this human specimen in my life.
Emily: Whoa, one boob is a bubble!
Emma: I guess she doesn't have any friends.
Chelsea is offline.
Emily: Crystal is from Teen Wolf, but that's not out yet. Which is why no one knows her and no one told her not to wear a dress that lifts up in the back.
Emily: Get back in here Cheslea!
Chelsea: SORRRY. That girl with the blue shoes made my Safari shut down. HATE HER.
Emily: Bahahaha, Amanda Bynes?
Chelsea: No, but I hate her too. I thought she was retired?
Emily: I guess she comes out for award shows. She was in Easy A.
Chelsea: I loved Easy A! Did you guys see it?
Emily: LOVE IT
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Chelsea: And Dan from Gossip Girl was so dreamy! And Emma Stone was so great! And STANLEY TUCCCCIIIII
Emily: Love Emma Stone. Love whats his nuts, love the parents and all the things!
Emma: I haven't see it yet! But everyone loves it!
Chelsea: EMMA IT IS FREE ON NETFLIX!
Emily: Yeah, Stanley Tucci is my idol. Easy A should have won everything.
Chelsea: Let's take the day off and go watch "Devil Wears Prada" 400 times.
Emily: That is my dream day. Who votes on the MTV movie awards anyway?
Emily: But I would think Sparklers wouldn't vote so much for Twilight?
Chelsea: Did Twilight win? INSTEAD OF HARRY POTTER? That is an abomination.
Emily: My feet smell like stanley tucci's basement today. :/ Harry was barely on there at all!
Chelsea: You are disgusting.U nless his basement maybe smells nice?
WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING HARRY? BLASPHEMY.
Emma: Guys, watch the video of Robert dropping the f bomb.
Chelsea: I am not clicking that because I am positive it will break my internet again.
Emma: It's the worst thing I've ever seen!
Chelsea: What is WRONG with these people? Can't they just be happy to be so WEALTHY and good-looking?
Emily: He was kind of rude to KStew before jolting off to kiss Abs.
Chelsea: He's a jilted lover. Now he has to settle for wolf boy baby dater.
Emily: Best Villain Winner: Tom Felton. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. There. That was the only Harry represent.
Chelsea: YAAAY LOVE TOM FELTON.
Emma: Tom Felton looked like a charming french sailor.
Emily: Tom Felton doesn't sound like an actor name. It sounds like a guy who'd be blocking the coffee machine. "Excuse me, Tom. Tom Felton? Can I just get a cup of coffee?" AND then he'd look at me like I had 13 heads and grumble something mean.
Chelsea: But in an accent, so you'd forgive him! Draco Malfoy and Chuck Bass should have a show.
Emily: I forgive no one.
Emily: What kind of show?
Chelsea: A show where they both date me, and I pick one to marry.
Emily: Okay, but you have to change outfits every 6 minutes. Speaking of outfits, lets talk dresses.
Emma: Yes, dresses. There were no good ones.
Chelsea: Emma Stone wins dresses! And hair! And sassy smile category.
Emily: Here's a bunch.
Chelsea: I liked Blake Lively's! But I also have a flaming girl crush on her.
Emma: Too much emphasis on the armpits.
Emily: Blake's looks like an 80's workout leotard that someone fashioned into a dress.
Chelsea: I always emphasize my armpits when I go out.
Emily: Emma Stone's is awesome. Do you walk around with arrows? Pointing? Or...how do you emphasize? Sirens! Aimee Teegarden is cuteeee!
Chelsea: I emphasize using sweat and sweat alone. And also elaborate neon lights.
Emma: Kstew looks dreadful. Her shoes are from 1995.
Chelsea: But she's smiling! LET'S ENCOURAGE POSITIVE CHANGE, GENTLEMEN.
Emily: Also, RPatz dropping the F bomb: Funny, cool, disrespect, or dumb?
Emma: Neither more or less terrible than the rest of his speech. I hate awards shows SO much. They're unbearable.
And on THAT note: what'd you think of the MTV Movie Awards? Can you BELIEVE that Harry Potter didn't win best film? We are OUTRAGED.
Related post: Committee of Cool
Photo credit: http://www.shoppingblog.com/2011pics/emma_watson_2011_mtv_movie_awards.jpg