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Committee of Cool: We Are Hip! We Are With It! We Watch The MTVs!

Committee of Cool: We Are Hip! We Are With It! We Watch The MTVs!

By Chelsea Dagger

Emily: MTV MOVIE AWARDS!

Chelsea: I was trying to type a Robert Pattinson joke but it was too hard.

Emma: I'm old.

Emily: WAS THAT THE JOKE?

Emma: I don't know who in tarnation any of these kids are.

Chelsea: THAT WAS IT. THANKS, EMMA.

Emily: Me neither.

Chelsea: I know three of them! I'm officially the coolest Sparkitor. Y'all are jive cats!

Emily: Who's got a good slideshow link?

Emma: Crystal Reed and Holland Roden glam up the red carpet. WHO??

Here's a slideshow. It's interminable, though.

Chelsea: Holland Roden isn't a name, it's a car dealership.

Was that a joke? I tried to make it a joke.

Emily: Justin Bieber looks like a Midwestern lesbian politician.

Emma: That blue blazer does nothing for him.

Chelsea: The other Justin looks worse. This picture makes my moral sensibilities hurt.

Emily: I am so happy Emma Stone dyed her hair back!

Emma: YEAH!

Chelsea: Me too! I lurve her. GIRL CRUSH.

Emma: Anyone who can be a redhead should be one. I have something mean to say: I think Emma Watson peaked last year. It's all downhill now. Her head's getting smaller. Something's off.

Chelsea: NOOOOOOOO. False. I will defend Hermione to the grisly, grisly death.

Emily: I'm not feeling her hair.

Chelsea: She is pulling off Justin Bieber's haircut with verve!

Emily: She doesn't look like she's feeling it either.

Chelsea: She has to grow it out. IT'S AWKWARD. Give the girl a minute. Actually, her hair looks pretty terrible there. IT'S OKAY, EMMA WATSON. I STILL LOVE YOU.

Emily: Dude, she's a harryaire. She can get million dollar extensions with the wave of her wand.

Chelsea: That's true. I read somewhere that she has 30 million dollars. 30 MILLION. Can you imagine? If I had 30 million dollars, I would also have 30 million cupcake cars.

Emma: Speaking of mullets...

Emily: Is this Crystal or Holland? Or is it one woman, two names? I have never seen this human specimen in my life.

Emma: Well, this is the other one of them.

Emily: Whoa, one boob is a bubble!

Emma: I guess she doesn't have any friends.

Chelsea is offline.

Emily: Crystal is from Teen Wolf,  but that's not out yet. Which is why no one knows her and no one told her not to wear a dress that lifts up in the back.

Emily: Get back in here Cheslea!

Chelsea: SORRRY. That girl with the blue shoes made my Safari shut down. HATE HER.

Emily: Bahahaha, Amanda Bynes?

Chelsea: No, but I hate her too. I thought she was retired?

Emily: I guess she comes out for award shows. She was in Easy A.

Chelsea: I loved Easy A! Did you guys see it?

Emily: LOVE IT

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Chelsea: And Dan from Gossip Girl was so dreamy! And Emma Stone was so great! And STANLEY TUCCCCIIIII

Emily: Love Emma Stone. Love whats his nuts, love the parents and all the things!

Emma: I haven't see it yet! But everyone loves it!

Chelsea: EMMA IT IS FREE ON NETFLIX!

Emily: Yeah, Stanley Tucci is my idol. Easy A should have won everything.

Chelsea: Let's take the day off and go watch "Devil Wears Prada" 400 times.

Emily: That is my dream day. Who votes on the MTV movie awards anyway?

Chelsea: SPARKLERZ.

Emily: But I would think Sparklers wouldn't vote so much for Twilight?

Chelsea: Did Twilight win? INSTEAD OF HARRY POTTER? That is an abomination.

Emily: My feet smell like stanley tucci's basement today. :/ Harry was barely on there at all!

Chelsea: You are disgusting.U nless his basement maybe smells nice?

WHY IS EVERYONE IGNORING HARRY? BLASPHEMY.

Emily: http://www.mtv.com/ontv/movieawards/2011/winners.jhtml

Emma: Guys, watch the video of Robert dropping the f bomb.

Chelsea: I am not clicking that because I am positive it will break my internet again.

Emma: It's the worst thing I've ever seen!

Chelsea: What is WRONG with these people? Can't they just be happy to be so WEALTHY and good-looking?

Emily: He was kind of rude to KStew before jolting off to kiss Abs.

Chelsea: He's a jilted lover. Now he has to settle for wolf boy baby dater.

Emily: Best Villain Winner: Tom Felton. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. There. That was the only Harry represent.

Chelsea: YAAAY LOVE TOM FELTON.

Emma: Tom Felton looked like a charming french sailor.

Emily: Tom Felton doesn't sound like an actor name. It sounds like a guy who'd be blocking the coffee machine. "Excuse me, Tom. Tom Felton? Can I just get a cup of coffee?" AND then he'd look at me like I had 13 heads and grumble something mean.

Chelsea: But in an accent, so you'd forgive him! Draco Malfoy and Chuck Bass should have a show.

Emily: I forgive no one.

Chelsea: HEARTLESS.

Emily: What kind of show?

Chelsea: A show where they both date me, and I pick one to marry.

Emily: Okay, but you have to change outfits every 6 minutes. Speaking of outfits, lets talk dresses.

Emma: Yes, dresses. There were no good ones.

Chelsea: Emma Stone wins dresses! And hair! And sassy smile category.

Emily: Here's a bunch.

Chelsea: I liked Blake Lively's! But I also have a flaming girl crush on her.

Emma: Too much emphasis on the armpits.

Emily: Blake's looks like an 80's workout leotard that someone fashioned into a dress.

Chelsea: I always emphasize my armpits when I go out.

Emily: Emma Stone's is awesome. Do you walk around with arrows? Pointing? Or...how do you emphasize? Sirens! Aimee Teegarden is cuteeee!

Chelsea: I emphasize using sweat and sweat alone. And also elaborate neon lights.

Emma: Kstew looks dreadful. Her shoes are from 1995.

Chelsea: But she's smiling! LET'S ENCOURAGE POSITIVE CHANGE, GENTLEMEN.

Emily: Also, RPatz dropping the F bomb: Funny, cool, disrespect, or dumb?

Emma: Neither more or less terrible than the rest of his speech. I hate awards shows SO much. They're unbearable.

And on THAT note: what'd you think of the MTV Movie Awards? Can you BELIEVE that Harry Potter didn't win best film? We are OUTRAGED.

Related post: Committee of Cool

Photo credit: http://www.shoppingblog.com/2011pics/emma_watson_2011_mtv_movie_awards.jpg

Topics: Life, Entertainment, Celebs & Stuff
Tags: harry potter, twilight, mtv, fashion, robert pattinson, style, committee of cool, award shoes, celebs

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About the Author
Chelsea Dagger

Since 2010, Chelsea Dagger (known in real life as Chelsea Aaron) has been SparkLife's sweatiest editor. She's currently working on a how-to-kiss guide for teens, and when she's not conducting smooch-related research on her life-size Joseph Gordon-Levitt cardboard cutout, she's eating pancakes, stocking up on industrial-strength deodorant, and destroying everyone at Harry Potter trivia. (EXPECTO PATRONUM!)

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.