Auntie SparkNotes: Braless Benefits
Alright, so my question is about boobs. I'm 16 and only a 32A. And while I'm thankful that I have boobs in the first place, I'm super insecure about how small they are. I'm actually a very small person overall, but being 16 means I should have more than an A! Right? First and most importantly, I'm worried about guys. Guys like boobs, yeah obviously. But usually only a B and up. What if I never get asked out!? And worse, what if a guy likes me and we have sex but I don't satisfy him because he wishes I had bigger boobs!? I'm really scared about that. Secondly, swimwear is a nightmare because it makes my chest look even smaller (if that's possible). I avoided pool parties my freshman year because I couldn't put on a bikini without bursting into tears. Yes, I'm past the tears now but I'm still unconfident. Thirdly, I stay away from exercise because supposedly you can drop a whole cup size if you work out regularly. AHHHH. Don't get me wrong: I loooove sports, but not if it costs me my boobs. That would be a bad, bad thing. Help!
It's about time we tackled this topic, y'all, because I get letters like this all the time.
And before we get to the part about loving and accepting your body no matter what the size, shape, and relative symmetry of your bazongas, I'd like to first take this opportunity to dispel the many, many boob-related myths that plague our lady readers and which appear in this letter.
Myth #1: Guys only like bigger boobs.
BZZZZ! WRONG! The fact is, guys are interested in boobs because they're interested in the girl to whom they're attached—not the other way around. So while it's true that everyone has his own tastes, and while some self-described "breast men" do appreciate the aesthetics of a pair of chesticular clodhoppers, the vast majority of guys couldn't care less about what the tag on your bra says (not to mention that satisfying your future sexual partners has zero to do with how much chest you're packing, and everything to do with chemistry, communication, and enthusiastic participation from both parties.) And finally, here, for the record, is a conversation that has never happened:
Guy: I like you very much and would like to go on a date with you.
Guy: However, I have a strict B-cup-or-bigger policy... so before we go any further, I'm gonna have to see your boobs.
Myth #2: Small boobs can't be sexy.
Small boobs can be totally sexy. And if you don't believe me, I've got two words for you: Keira Knightley. (I mean, have you seen "Atonement"? It should be criminal to be that hot.) So while there are always padded bras or bikini tops if you're feeling self-conscious, why not try embracing what you've got? If you're small of boob—heck, even if you're totally flat-chested—then you're free, unlike your large-chested sisters, to wear anything fashion can throw at you. You can wear bandeaus and spaghetti straps without worrying about a nip-slip. You can sport a plunging neckline or backless dress and show off the elegant lines of your neck, collarbone and spine. Dude, you can jog while braless. (That sound you hear is every big-busted girl in the audience, howling with jealousy.)
Myth #3: Working out will make you lose a cup size.
The truth: working out can make you lose a cup size, if you have a cup size to lose. Breasts are made up mostly of fat, so if you're losing excess weight, a small percentage of it might come out of your bra. But for the average gal who works our or plays sports (not to mention busty athletes like Serena Williams and Simona Halich), being active does not mean that the Fitness Fairy is going to sneak into your room at night and start siphoning away your tatas.
Meanwhile, here's the one thing that is true about boobs: they come in all shapes and sizes, and what you get is what you get. (Unless you want to undergo costly, risky surgery that leaves you with breasts that are bigger, yes, but also as hard as a rock. Not recommended.) And, just as with other letter-writers who have bodily hangups, your options are to either let it bug you for the rest of your life, or accept it, embrace what you've got, and move on with your head held high.
And preferably wearing a scandalously tiny top held up by itty-bitty little strings.
Got some love for the small-boobed? Share it in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at email@example.com.
Related post: Auntie SparkNotes: The Booby Prize