The Life of a Boy Magnet

Maddy K, we like your style. —Sparkitors

Well Sparklers, I am not going to lie: I have been known to attract a couple of men in my time. They just can’t resist the magnetic field of looove swirling about me. Though I am as lucky as a unicorn reunited with its long lost rainbow sidekick, being a super-hot smexy man-catcher can be a curse!

Sometimes I think I would prefer to go through life the Luna Lovegood way: “No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up.... It always does in the end.” But what would be the fun in that? Anyhoo, you may be curious as to why my manly magnet is somewhat of a curse, and that is what I am here to tell you!

1. Boys you do not like are attracted to you. In that crowd of sweaty men crawling all over each other to get to you, one of them may turn out to be your soulmate. Unfortunately, there are a buttload of unwanted men who now feel they must run home and sacrificially burn their shrine dedicated to every aspect of your life (yes, that includes baby pictures). Now you are responsible for the death of thousands of amazing pictures of yourself! And you leave in your wake a literal trail of tears, no seriously, the unwanteds will march behind you in military formation begging for you to reconsider.

2. You get tons of unwanted gifts. Now, I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth because ewww, however I’ve got to admit sometimes the gifts can go too far. And you know you’ve passed that point when a man in an elfin costume smothers pie in your face screaming, “THIS PIE IS MY FACE AND MY FACE IS IN YOUR FACE NOW AHAHAH. Please love me.”

3. You are expected to choose just one! With thousands of shirtless men lined up outside your door flexing their muscles to show off for you, how can you pick just one? Life clearly can’t get worse! What if you pick the wrong one? What if you don’t even want a boyfriend! What if none of them turn out to be the one! Well, you’ve got a situation now.

And that is life of a boy magnet! If only I actually were one… but hey, a girl can dream!

What do you think is the worst part about having a million suitors?

Related Post: Potential Flings and Arty Boys

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