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The Next Big Hipster Sports

The Next Big Hipster Sports

By Jennifer Grudziecki

Hipsters—they dress like anemic sailors, read classic lit, and play guitar in indie rock bands. They don't exactly sound like the athletic type, do they? But this is the 21st century, and we're not about to discriminate against anyone who wants to play a sport (no matter the degree of un-athletic ability). To make things easy on poor hipsters, we've come up with a few sports they can play without going mainstream. 1. Photo Tag. No, this is not when friends compete to see who can tag the most photos on Facebook. It's a sport where hipsters photograph a sequence of action shots. All they have to do is capture some still images of themselves running, then reaching out to tag someone. The photos are posted on a fellow hipster's blog, making them "tagged." That hipster must respond by tagging another friend. Hipsters get bonus points if the photos are in black and white, and extra bonus points if they're carrying some kind of instrument in the photographs.

2. Musical Bikes. Imagine playing musical chairs, except instead of chairs, you use vintage bikes. But that's not all! The music must by obscure indie bands, and all competitors must sing the words to the song while they rotate bicycles. Any hipster who doesn't know the words becomes "dead," and his/her bike gets thrown in the river.

3. Competitive Mustache-Growing. Contrary to popular belief, anyone can grow a mustache—it just takes a little extra work for women! This sport requires all contestants to sit in a circle for two weeks straight and eat nothing but bread and water in honor of Jesus, the guy who works at the convenience store around the block. Whoever's mustache looks the most intellectual and aloof at the end of those two weeks becomes the new Hipster Role Model.

4. Flannel Footwear-War. All hipsters involved are given a yard of flannel fabric and a bottle of superglue. They then have exactly 23.2 minutes (the average length of an episode of Bored to Death) to create the most unattractive and useless footwear possible. Bonus points are awarded if contestants can figure out how NOT to use the superglue during this project.

5. Building with Books. This sport requires hipsters to build the sturdiest 300 foot stack of books they can using only classic lit and Russian novels. But the fun doesn't end there! The competitors must then climb the stack of books in their pink American Apparel underpants. First one to the top destroys the other stacks, throwing his opponents to the ground in the process.

Got any other hipster sports?

Related Post: 10 Reasons You Should Be a Hipster

Topics: Life
Tags: sports, games, competitions, hipsters, mustaches

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About the Author
Jennifer Grudziecki

Jennifer Grudziecki is a writer, intern, and soon-to-be college graduate living in New York City. Her life goal is to be a space pirate, and maybe to write a book along the way. Follow her on Twitter @JennyGrudzy or on Tumblr at www.jennigrudzi.tumblr.com/

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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