MarcusJuniusBrutus, would now be the wrong time to admit that we used to be OBSESSED with John Grisham books?—Sparkitors
Let’s face it: if you're in high school, there's really no getting around Shakespeare and his 16th century English. Some students can't stand all his "thees" and "thous," but I think Shakin’ Speare, Sonnet Master (that's his rap name, obviously), is one of the best authors out there. At the very least, he could kick John Grisham's ass in a library brawl. Here's why:
1. The first rule of writing seems to be "write about what you know." Unfortunately, John Grisham took this to the extreme and wrote 21 books, each one about legal stooges in ties being chased by overweight stooges in ties. To make it worse, half of these books are set in his home town (a tiny little city no one cares about). On the other hand, Shakespeare wrote about 6 or 7 different countries, magic, doomed love affairs, mistaken identities, and murderous queens. Which one sounds more interesting to you?
2. The phrase "legal thriller" is an oxymoron. Have you ever been to a courtroom? Unlike what you see in movies, real courtrooms are about as boring as the Twilight movies, and have significantly fewer vampires. But how about a mad Danish man running around with a sword killing people? If you asked me to either sit in a courthouse or watch 3 witches chanting, I’d pick the witches any day.
3. Grisham has the vocabulary of a reasonably smart teenager. But his 600 page books use the same amount of (different) words as a single act of Shake’s plays. This may not seem like a good thing to all of us (reasonably smart teenagers), but you got to respect a guy who can call you a monkey in 15 different ways.
4. Which brings me to number 4. This awesome bald dude has one of the foulest mouths ever. Grisham’s scathing insult amounts to a grand total of one word: “idiot”. How about "lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson"? The next time you're in class, tell your teacher “More of your conversation would infect my brain,” and simply maintain that you are quoting the Bard (Coriolanus). Or you can call your friend a “Mis-shapen Dick.” Yep, Shakespeare is becoming a whole lot more awesome.
5. Grisham went to three different colleges and presumably spent more than $25,000 on getting a law degree. Shakespeare didn’t even go to college. Heck, the lucky man escaped the notorious clutches of mean-faced teachers at the young age of 13, which means he had plenty of time to run around hunting deer (or whatever they did in those days). Can you imagine how cool it would be to get to 13 and tell your teachers, “I’m done with you,” or in his vernacular “Away! Thou’rt poison to my blood!” (Really wish I could try this.)
6. Megan Fox has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her shoulder. John Grisham couldn’t get anywhere near a woman that hot, because who's going to get a "He was a clerk in a Computer Hut in the mall" tattoo? NOBODY.
7. Have you ever held a Complete Works of Shakespeare volume? Assuming that you can lift it, you’ve got yourself a kickass weapon to hit dummies who tease you for reading this awesome stuff. A Grisham book wouldn’t make a dent on a 90-year-old woman (please don’t try this; hitting old people is mean).
8. Girls love poetry. Quoting a little Romeo and Juliet will make her swoon with delight into your arms. Quoting Grisham will give you this exact reaction: “Huh? Was that supposed to be funny, or what?”
9. If Grisham and Shakespeare were to meet in a fight, Shakespeare would beat the living daylights out of John. Although no one really knows just how big ‘Speare was, the guy was hunting from childhood. Plus, he was an actor who had to be able to fight on stage. Grisham sat around in a desk all day. Sorry John, but your about to get whopped.
You make a strong case, Marcus. But can you honestly say you didn't LOVE the book Runaway Jury? IT WAS SO GOOD.
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