Yo Mama's Day Gift Ideas
Remember when your mom used to wake up four times a night to feed you warm milk and change your diaper? Remember when she used to drive around the neighborhood for an hour just to help you fall asleep in the back of the minivan? Remember when she stayed home from work to make you chicken soup and saltines while you lay comatose watching cartoons on the living room couch after having your temperature taken the other way?
Yeah, you probably don't. But she does! Being a mom is H-E-double hockey sticks-A hard. Which is why in 1892 Thomas Jefferson paired with Martha Washington and Harriet Tubman to write into law the second Sunday of May as Mother's Day, a day when families everywhere celebrate the women who brought them into this world and can damn well take them out of it.
In case you are stumped on ways to celebrate your Mommy Dearest this year, we've come up with a few ideas:
- Mold a bust of her head using mashed potatoes.
- Do all the laundry... not using Febreze.
- Serve her breakfast in bed... before asking her what's for lunch.
- Write her a list of all the moms you know that she's better than.
- Get her a life-size photo cut-out of your family. Resist the urge to suggest she use it as a stand-in when your great aunt visits.
- Give her a bag of customized M&Ms with her face on it and invite her to literally eat her face off.
- Give her a bouquet of flowers... not cut from your neighbor's yard.
- Let her watch her DVR of the Royal Wedding coverage all day without bothering her.
- Make her dinner. And do the dishes.
- Give her a customizable miniature ecosystem. (Really, gifts.com? Really?)
- Write her a poem using the words "love," "diaper," "carpool," and "you were right."
- Make her a CD of songs about moms, like "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "I Will Survive."
- Tell her you were going to give her a personal trainer, but then you decided she didn't need it.
How will you be celebrating your materfamilias this Sunday? (Yes, we said THIS SUNDAY! We repeat, THIS SUNDAY!)
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