Annoying Texts from Boys

Why do guys text things like "hey"??? We will never understand. —Sparkitors

Emily: Emma, breaking news: Chelsea's crush has been called off.
Emma: go on!
Emily: well he is not a jerk.
but he is... not great for Chelsea.
Emma: how so? Emily: went to midnight showing of fast and furious.
Chelsea: SAW THAT YESTERDAY IT WAS EPIC. so that clearly isnt the problem.
Emily: does not like hipsters because they sometimes read on train.
Emma: huwuh?
that's a weird reason to not like hipsters, of all the reasons
Emily: also, loves the hangover and dude where's my car.
Chelsea: he is just not my type of conversationalist. Also, he does not find me hilarious.
Emily: you actually saw that movie, chelsea?
Chelsea: oh, i saw it. but i bought a child's ticket so it was 9 dollars. paul walker was phenomenal.
Emily: who did you possibly get to go with you?
Chelsea: I went with my little sister! she was seeing it for the SECOND TIME.
Emily: You daggers are a weird bunch
Emma: who would you rather kiss fast and furiously, vin diesel or the other one?
Emily: VIN DIESEL
I am obsessed with him
because I used to hang out in indiana.
Emma: I love him too but not as much as I love The Rock
Chelsea: definitely paul walker. vin has giant boobs.
Emma: speaking of boobs…let’s talk about texting.
Emily: FLEXTING
Emma: what is it, and how can we make it less awful?
let's talk about bad texts from boys
Chelsea: bad texts from boys are all texts from boys.
Emma: you're right
well, some are good
Emily: I never get any texts from boys except "don't forget the equipment bag" and "watch out, the bag will give you blood blisters on your hands"
TOO LATE
Emma: what about romantic texts from your boyfriend?
Chelsea: I don’t have one of those, but I want one. he can build clever bookshelves for me and dustbust all the cats.
Emily: what about romantic texts from your fiancee?
Emma: he's a good texter
like, "I wish we were watching millionaire matchmaker"
SWOON!
Emily: that is definitely the best thing to do in the world.
I am going to move back to chicago and marry Jimmy D.
Emma: who is this jimmy d?
Emily: He was on twice
both times he picked psychos.
Emma: OH YEAH!
the blond who was on all the drugs!
Emily: We should have CoC's rules of texting.
Flexting
Emma: yeah!
Emily: #1: Do not say "hey"
Emma: 2. don't say "wht r u up to"
it's gross and boring
Chelsea: dont spell words that have 3 letters with 1 letter, like "u" and "r"
Emma: yeah don't do that
Emily: oh I always do that.
what if you have fat thumbs???
Emma: I do it too but I want chelsea to think I'm cool
Chelsea: I like when boys text me for no reason only if they are saying that they saw something funny and it reminded them of me
Emily: okay like an in joke is cool
because the purpose is you laugh and fall in love with him
Chelsea: yes, that is cute.
Emma: I like "I had fun last night!!!!!!!!"
Emily: I don’t like that.
Chelsea: only with one exclamation point and he needs to throw in a joke.
Emma: yes.
and ask you a question, so you have a reason to text back
Emily: have you guys ever written letters with a boy? real pen and paper?
Emma: 1,000 years ago
Emily: I think that is nice.
texting is not very romantic.
Emma: jared used to send me postcards when we didn't live together
Emily: whhhhat?!
Emma: yeah!
Emily: that is adorable.
Emma: I love that guy
Emily: you guys were like 2 neighborhoods away.
Emma: I know
Chelsea: that is adorable!
Emma: usually he was with me when I got them
sorry, I'm sure I'll be less disgusting after I'm married
Emily: cutest cutest cutest
Chelsea: jared is the perfect man.
is jared has a gay cousin, I will marry him.
*if.
Chelsea: SEE HOW MUCH LESS FUNNY IT IS WHEN YOU MISSPELL THINGS.
Emma: that's another texting rule
Chelsea: NO CAPS?
Emily: if jared is getting rid of a printer or something, I will marry it.
Emma: spell things correctly
Chelsea: yes. so the rules are: dont be boring, spell things right. is that it?
Emily: Is it too much to say that you should only text if you have a reason? like a goal? a purpose?
Also so many people are like "I am texting you so you can entertain me."
NO.
BAD.
Chelsea: that’s true, that is awful.
Emily: You should bring on the entertainment when you text. Not just do it because you are bored and want someone to tell you something funny.
Reverse!
Emma: yesssss
and never say you're bored!
Emily: what is a funny way to ask someone to hang out via text.
Chelsea: make a joke about prison or softball. that is what michael does and it is adorable.
Emily: like what?
Chelsea: like "i'm sure youre getting all kinds of invites from hot umpires but we should hang out soon." that is cute, right?
Emma: very!!
Emily: oh yes.
Chelsea: because it is like a compliment AND a joke AND a date invite.
Emma: the trifecta!
Chelsea: winner!
Emily: PERFECT.

What do you think are the most annoying boy texts?

Related post: My Rules of Texting