British Stereotypes, Debunked

Next you'll be telling us there's no such thing as Mary Poppins, little miss jt. We don't want to hear it! –Sparkitors

After reading Eight Reason Why England is Totally Spiffing!, I couldn't stand by and allow people to believe such common English stereotypes. I'm here to debunk the Brit myths!:

1. Tea. When British people say they're going to have tea, they're not talking about crumpets and lace, they're talking about the same thing American are when they say "dinner." Tea is often not even on the table!

2. Weather. Sad to say, the weather is not that unpredictable: it's usually either clouds or a drizzle (we hardly ever get proper rain). Although, looking out the window right now, I can see....... SUN!!! That's pretty amazing—if it ever actually climbs above 77 F, they issue a heat alert for the elderly! (Random fact: cricket games end either when it's time for tea or when it starts to rain.)

3. The Underground. Technically you can't get everywhere on the Underground—unless you think that England begins and ends with London, as a lot of people do.

4. Chavs. Chavs are kind of two degrees below a gangster. Yes, they exist, yes they think they look cool in their fake designer threads and trackies. But you forgot about the part where they're always saying "I will batter you." Not everyone is a chav, thank goodness. Don't batter me!

5. Accents. There really is no such thing as a single "English accent"—you get a different accent wherever you go! For instance, there's the Black Country, Brummie, Cockney, Cumbrian, East Anglian, East Midlands, Estuary, Geordie, Kentish, Lancashire, Mackem, Mancunian, Norfolk, Northern, Pitmatic, Potteries, Scottish (Glaswegian, Highland),  Scouse, Southern, Sussex, Ulster, West Midlands, Welsh (Cardiff), West Country, and Yorkshire accents, just to name a few.

6. London. Contrary to popular opinion, London is not that nice of a city. (Trust me: I've been to Paris, and if you want to go anywhere in Europe, go there.) Yes, it's overpriced, yes, it's full of pickpockets, but hey! I've never met an American who didn't want to go there, so enjoy yourselves. But if you ask a Brit what place they want to visit, they'll say "Hong Kong."

I got you there, didn't I? No? Fine.  They'd say they want to go to the Big Apple, of course.

7. Vocab. No one says spiffing. But they do snog. And pronounce "garage" as it's spelled.

Do you still want to visit London? British Sparklers, do NONE of you say spiffing?!

Related post: Eight Reasons Why England is Totally Spiffing!

We don't care what anyone says: it'd be totally spiffin' if you'd write for SparkNotes!