Flyergirl13 Tells You How—To Celebrate The Royal Wedding
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I recently found out that the Royal Wedding is this Friday. Apparently, it is a Big Deal, because everyone is gossiping about Kate Middleton’s dress and hair and the several large mansions that will reside on her left ring finger. But the wedding coverage starts at 4 AM here—4 AM! I mean, couldn't the Brits just adjust the time to suit the needs of teenage girls 3,000 miles away in a country that scorns monarchies? What kind of scam is this?
All time zone venting aside, it's important to celebrate the wedding in style. If you live in Great Britain or the United Kingdom or whatever, you probably already know what you will do. But do us Americans have any clue what to make of Ms. Middleton kissing Prince Whats-his-face? Nope. And that’s why I’m here. I present to you all: my comprehensive guide to watching the Royal Wedding this Friday (though I suppose it could be Thursday or Saturday depending on where you live, I really don’t know much about how time zones work).
Step One: Watch the Wedding. This is important. You can’t watch correctly if you don’t watch at all. I don’t care what time it is where you live; wake up for this event. Sleep is not nearly as important as the British royalty.
DO: Throw a party and invite all your friends over to watch the wedding. Comment so loudly that none of the guys in your house (who couldn’t care less about the exact number of jewels on Kate’s tiara–what’s wrong with them?) will be able to sleep.
DON’T: Watch it on a tiny screen. This means no iPods, iTouches, iPhones, iPad, or iAnythingelses. You need an enormous screen to fully appreciate the dimples on Prince William's chin.
Step Two: Experience the Wedding. You can’t just watch The Royal Wedding—that’s like buying a king-size Hershey’s bar but not eating it. In order to understand the full awesomeness of it all, you need to experience it.
DO: Dress up in your mom’s wedding dress and write your own vows.
DON’T: Actually kiss the screen when Prince William kisses Kate. I’ve tried this with Darren Criss during Glee and it’s not as pleasant as I'd hoped.
Step Three: Celebrate the Wedding. This is a Big Deal, remember? It’s not every day that royalty decides to marry a “commoner.” Every girl’s dream is to grow up and find her Prince Charming, right? Well, maybe if you celebrate Kate’s accomplishment, you can find a princely guy as well.
DO: Go all out. Bake cupcakes shaped like the Crown Jewels. Drink tea and speak in British accents. Send the still-single Prince Harry obsessive fan-mail until he agrees to marry you. Celebrate!
DON’T: Be mean. Yes, Britain and America weren’t very nice to each other a few hundred years ago, but let’s forgive and forget. Don’t spoil the mood by bringing up old strife. Let’s all be buds!
How are you planning to celebrate the Royal Wedding? And you better not say "SLEEP."
Related post: Committee of Cool: Kate Middleton and Prince William