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When Will He Come Online?

When Will He Come Online?

As I write this, the sun is shining through my window, I can see the beautiful blue sky, and a pigeon just flew away. But will I, the mighty Geeraff, being going outside today?


Because as soon as I finish typing this sentence, I will be logging on to a website called “facebook,” which I am sure none of you have heard of, which is fine, because I plan to educate you on its usage today, and I am quickly running out of things to say in this sentence because I am scared about what I am about to begin by ending this sentence and I think I am going to end it finally maybe now.

Okay. I did it. I have logged on to facebook, and will BE logged on to facebook, until a Mr. Hodgins has made an appearance in the internet. And when he does, I’ll be ready. When he does, I’ll have a plan. When he does, I’m going to panic and freak out because I have resolved to ask him and his friends to a movie tonight.

Also? I’m really bored. This should entertain me for the rest of the day. Hold on, I’m going to check facebook again.

Nope. He’s not there. OH! Did I forget to mention that I’m facebook friends with EVERY SINGLE ONE of my boy targets? Cause I am. It took me an entire day of building up the courage, but I did it, and they all accepted. Which means they all have access to that series of pictures Mama K took of me when I tried to hide under her desk and got stuck.

12:00. Hodgins is still MIA from the internet... Why is this taking so long?! ARGH!!! Oooh, pirates! Do you ever find yourself wondering if pirates actually say “argh,” but because of their piratey accents, the rest of the world spells it like “arrr?” Poor pirates. They’re only trying to show their frustration, and we just laugh at their pirate noises.

Idea! I can totally tell the story of what happened at dinner last night! Awesome! Terrific! Stupendus! I should stop.

Mama K wasn’t feeling very well last night, so when the whole lot of us were headed down to the dining hall, she gave me her big purse so I could bring her back an orange or two. Of course, I agreed. And, for being an excellent friend, fate awarded me Mama K’s cell phone, which I found in the bottom of her purse.


Now, a normal friend would have changed her ringtone, or maybe taken a few weird pictures. But I am not a normal friend. While at dinner, I placed her phone on the table like a secret agent who just... found something... really cool. We then proceeded to change our names in her contact list so we could text her fun things throughout the evening. Or forever. Until Mama K can correctly identify who Charlie Sheen, Sailor Moon, Lord Voldemort, God, Mr. Darcy, Draco Malfoy, Your Fairy Godmother, Dumbledore, Lady Gaga and Captain Jack Sparrow are, that is.

So while I was organizing Operation Take Over Mama K’s Phone, Hodgins and his friends came and sat with their other friends at the table next to ours. There were WAY too many friends there for comfort. But the plan was, in case enough of them left, I would go over and attempt to include Hodgins and FRIEND and slightly scary friend in my prank.

It truly would have been perfect, because a) it was an excellent excuse to talk to him without seeming too crazy, b) it would have shown how funny I was? and c) Mama K would then have his number. Brilliant, I know.

Sadly, Hodgins and all of his friends left at the same time. Which is also when my friends decided to leave. BUT. As we were walking into the dish room, and Hodgins was leaving the dish room, he stared right at me. For approximately five whole seconds. Before saying, and I quote, “hey.”

Our relationship has progressed. So that’s why I had the stupid idea of asking him to a movie today. But, it’s...

1:07. No Hodgins. And I’m starting to get hungry. This could be a long day. Maybe I should color a picture.

1:48. My laundry is folded and put away. I have brushed my hair. There are 29 friends online. Hodgins is not one of them.

2:16. Benedict Arnold is online, but I don’t think I should talk to him, because he went home for the weekend, and while he was gone, Jasmine recruited Mulan, Mama K, and Geeraff (oh, that’s me) to decorate his room with pink streamers, balloons, ribbon, and glittery stickers. And I’m bad at keeping secrets like this. See? I just told all of you.

2:49. Going to grocery store quickly with Sarah to buy some cookies. Hopefully Hodgins doesn’t pick RIGHT NOW to check his facebook. That would be sad.

3:33. Back from grocery store... Hodgins is, again, not online. And from what I can tell, he hasn’t been online while I was gone! Yippee! Cookies to celebrate!

5:17. The only person who’s been on facebook that I want to chat with is my mommy. And even as I typed that last sentence, she logged off. I’m starting to lose hope. The end seems near. Even the cookies mean nothing, now. I may never love again.

5:31. Mama K came by to visit. She’s bored as well, so I read her my captain’s log of facebooking. Her only comment was, “you have cookies?”

6:30. Finished the movie I was watching. Still bored. Texted Mama K. (I’m Draco Malfoy... shh!)

8:43. Not only has Mama K figured out that I’m Draco Malfoy (you told, didn’t you?!) but Hodgins has been absent from the world of facebook for The. Entire. Day. Plans have officially been canceled.


Okay, so perhaps this battle-of-facebook has been lost, but I will win the war of inviting-Hodgins-to-a-movie! In fact, since my Epic Pathetic Day of Waiting, Hodgins and I HAVE interacted. Sure, it might have been the weirdest greeting two people ever shared while picking out cutlery, but I’m working on it.

P.S. In regards to my minions, (just so you know, that was the funnest thing EVER to type in the world) 9 of you have applied. 14 have been chosen. Congratulations. I have no idea what this means.

Have you ever spent the whole day waiting to fb chat someone?

Related post: Can Robots Lead to Love?

Topics: Life, College Advisor
Tags: facebook, sparkler posts, crushes, boy hunt, chatting

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