What Your Diary Style Says About You

Keeping a daily account of your life is a great idea, and how you choose to do so is important. Will you keep a diary or write in a journal? (Don’t look at us like that. A diary is not a journal, and vice-versa.) Should you use a computer or a pen? Should you let others see your work, or hide it in a box marked, “Gross Tissues”? We looked at various creative outlets and types of autobiographers. Where do you fit in?

Diary Keepers
They are not be male. Diary keepers do not want their secret naughty words ever to be read by others, so they keep the pages protected inside a book with a locking mechanism that can easily be thwarted by a strong gust of wind. Some diary authors are so worried about being exposed that they encrypt their words using a secret code that they will soon forget, and when they re-read the diary twenty years later they will have no idea what it meant when they wrote, “Today I cut a cotton of boom-boom with Ziggy’s astronaut and had hot dogs for dinner.” The diary keeper only writes when alone on a bed, and usually within the vicinity of something cuddly.

Journal Keepers
Journal writers are a bit more mature and sophisticated than diary writers, and own fewer stickers. Warning: Some journal writers want everyone to know that they are writing in a journal. They may even brag about it, as if journal writing somehow makes them the vice-president of art. They will write in coffee shops, in restaurants, at the zoo, under the zoo, just about anywhere, hoping someone will notice them and ask, "What are you working on?" They will be coy with their work, saying things such as, “I’m not ready to show this to anyone yet,” but secretly they want to skywrite their remarkable words in the heavens so the entire planet can know their thoughts on life and bicycles and politics and culture and why sex is weird.

Scribblers
A scribbler is someone who jots down notes on anything, from napkins to hands. Scribblers are not well organized, and only strike when the creative juices are flowing. You could mid-conversation with a Scribbler when suddenly she shouts, “Hold on!,” then writes something so fast and furiously that you can hear her pen break the sound barrier with a gentle POP. It’s impossible to decipher what a Scribbler writes, because either his handwriting is awful, or he isn’t using words at all, and instead communicates via a language made of squiggles and dots. Scribblers are fun to be around, handsome, and sometimes named Dan Bergstein. (Side note: If you are a Scribbler, we highly recommend the tiny Moleskine notebooks. Without them, we wouldn’t remember to buy laundry detergent or end a forthcoming novel with a spider fight.)

Bloggers
A blogger will fall in love with the idea of self-publishing her thoughts and art, but this love will fade away quickly, and within weeks, all her posts start with, “Sorry it’s been so long since I updated this page.” If you choose to blog, blog often...and include some pictures of celebrities eating, because that makes us happy.

Tumblr Users
These people like pictures.

Twitter Authors
Using Twitter to track your life is quick and easy, but you must always remember that your aunt or cousin is watching everything you write and reporting back to your parents. It’s also very possible that every one of your tweets will be replied to with a curt, “So what?”

Vloggers
Vlogging a great way to record your life, but stop trying to be a celebrity. Some YouTube vloggers are so hell bent on getting “likes” and “subscribes” that they attack the viewer with constant demands for admiration and acceptance. Put another way, some vloggers are vain, fame-hungry monsters. Example: Dan’s Vlog. Vlog because you like it, not because you need attention. (By the way, please "like" this article on Facebook! Do it! Like it!)

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