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The Secret to a Great Theme Park

The Secret to a Great Theme Park

ShanMarie_thegreat is a theme park expert, and she's about to share her wisdom.—Sparkitors

I’ve been to a fair amount of theme parks in my life. I consider myself a Disney veteran, I went to both Seaworlds before I could walk, and I know my way around Universal Studios like a friggin champ. Aspiring theme park owners like you (just go with it) probably keep themselves up late at night contemplating how they could attract a cadre of eager tourists to their park—what's the secret of success? Well, I’ve figured it out. The single most important thing you can add to any ride or show to make it a guaranteed hit is…

Fire. Lots of it.

But not just any fire! Specifically: Gratuitous Fire. What’s that, Sparkler? Why, it’s the addition of seemingly unnecessary and random fire effects in a ride or show. My handy-dandy list of top five rides with Gratuitous Fire will be a helpful reference to the struggling park owner wondering where to place their Gratuitous Fire.

5. Universal Studio’s Spider Man: I can see how fire could be incorporated into this ride; maybe one of the villains has some sort of cool fire gun that he tries to shoot the riders with. But the huge blast of fire on this ride comes out of a crevice in the wall for no reason…at all.

4. Disney World’s Pirates of the Caribbean: Oh, look at those pirate scamps, chasing wenches, boozing it up, and causing all sorts of mayhem—including eventually setting the entire town they pillaged on fire. It’s not explained why or how the village was set on fire, but that’s okay. That’s how Gratuitous Fire rolls.

3. Universal Studio’s Return of the Mummy: Dear Mummy; you’re already scary enough as it is. You don’t need to create an entire wall of fire for us to be completely terrified. You’re also wrapped in flammable cloth, so…be careful when playing with matches.

2. Universal Studio’s Jaws: Let’s see…how can one incorporate fire into a water-centric ride? Uh, durr: have the shark bite a hole in a gasoline pipe, have the tour guide shoot his grenade gun toward the leak and BAM. A recipe for instant Gratuitous Fire.

1. Disney’s Illuminations Firework Show: okay, the plot of random fire on the lake during the beginning of this show is aesthetically appealing. But when the large metal globe floats onto the middle of the lake and opens up, I thought; what beautiful symbol of peace and harmony could be inside!? Could it alter the way our nations view our relationship with one another?! Something so majestic and meaningful tha—oh wait, false alarm it’s just more fire.

WE WANT MORE FIRE. Is ShanMarie right? Do unjustifiable flames make a great theme park?

Related post: The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER

Topics: Life
Tags: sparkler posts, amusement parks, funny things, fire, disney world, theme parks

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